couple hugging on high ground overlooking the sea

If You Want To Keep Her, Do These 6 Things

Alright, men, I’m about to dispense some serious girl secrets right now. I see you trying to keep us. I see you failing miserably, and we need to fix that.

I know most of you want to find love, so I’ve put together a short manual. Read it carefully and use it wisely. And whatever you do, make sure you show effort. Even if you screw some of these up—and you will—effort goes a long way for making up for your screw ups.

1. Always communicate.

Make sure you text. This doesn’t mean bombarding her with messages all day—no one wants that. We all have things to do, people to see, projects to work on, and deadlines to meet. Show that you’re thinking about her in small increments. Text her good morning, a picture of lunch, a meme or two during the day, and always text before bed. That last one should never not be sent to her. Communicating will help keep her because we like to know that we’re on your mind. You’re on her mind very often, and she hopes there is some evenhandedness in that department. A simple “thinking of you” will brighten her day and will keep her close to you. Failing to communicate will send her a message of disinterest.

2. Make her feel like she’s the only one in the room.

Okay, so I know this sounds sappy, and to an extent it is, but we like this. We want to feel like we’re the prettiest girl in the room. Keep your eyes on us (especially those of you who suffer from Wandering Eyes Syndrome). Tell us we’re beautiful. Make it obvious that you’re watching us and truly taking us in. Comment on the way our eyes squint a little when we smile or how lovely our hands look when we delicately pick up our wine glass. She wants to feel like your eyes were created to look at her and her only. Failing to do this will make it seem like you’re still shopping around, and she’ll drift away. It’ll feel a little awkward in the beginning, but once you see the way she reacts, you’ll be compelled to do it more.

3. Remember things.

The random facts. The stories we tell you. The details. It lets us know that you’re listening, and truth be told, it’ll make us want to stay because most of us feel like no one truly hears us. Remember the story about her crush in the fifth grade. Remember that she hates bikes because she brutally scraped her knees falling off from one at age eight. Remember that her guilty pleasure is Nutella and that the best cup of coffee she’s ever had in her life was during her trip to Rome. Remember her stories of heartbreak and remember to not repeat the terrible things those dingbats did to her. She’s pouring her heart out—pick up on that.

4. Show interest.

Girls like stuff that guys don’t sometimes. Nonetheless, it’s important for you to participate in some of these things to create a connection. She likes yoga? Go to a class with her. She wants to watch a rom com? Watch it and don’t complain about it. You may end up liking some of the things she likes, which, again, creates a bond between the two of you. Not finding common ground will make her want to look for someone that’s more open to trying new things. Don’t lose her because you’re unwilling to try sushi.

5. Make her feel wanted.

Women never want to feel like they’re a burden to you. When she asks you to hang out, make sure you’re ecstatic to see her. Don’t play it cool if you like her. Be excited and show that to her. Show it to her by engaging in conversation and making her laugh. Open doors for her, show her cool things, and create memories together. She chose to hang out with you when she could’ve hung out with any guy of her choice. Always remember that she chooses who she wants to hang out with. She has multiple options. Stand out by making her feel like you want to be with her more than anyone else does. Oh, and seriously, we need to put the whole acting nonchalant thing to bed. Stop. If you got your tush off your couch to see her, you like her. Stop acting chill, otherwise she’ll go chill with someone else.

6. Be open about your intentions.

Yes, it’s scary, but if you can see it happening, be honest about it. This makes you noticeable in a sea of men who don’t know what they want. It makes you stick out in a time where our culture says we shouldn’t settle. You deciding to be upfront about your intentions makes her want to stay, because everyone is “seeing where things go.” Be determined. Show some strength. She’ll stay if you do.

About the author
Fernanda is a native New Yorker who loves tea, fuzzy socks and stories Follow Fernanda on Instagram or read more articles from Fernanda on Thought Catalog.

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