Raise your hand if you’re in your early to mid-thirties and still single. I know a whole bunch of you just raised your hand. Thanks for making me feel like I’m not alone. This whole not having your “better half” – gosh, I hate how cheesy that sounds- is painful sometimes. Not having the plus one sucks. Not having someone to kiss you, cuddle you and make you feel like everything is going to be ok, really sucks. Not having someone to argue with about which flavor of ice cream is the best, is absolute torture! I’m exaggerating of course, but you all know what I’m talking about.

Having that one person to do life with is great. I know I’m not alone when I say that out of the  12,279 dates I went on in 2019, I was disappointed more than once. You promise you won’t let it get to you, but it does. Then you start wondering if any of it is worth it. If you’re not being ghosted, you’re getting benched, if you’re not getting benched, maybe you’re in a texting blackhole with a guy you’ll never meet.

I don’t know if the problem is that men these days don’t want to commit or if we’re just a product of our generation and we’ve ruined love. You know, kind of like how we’ve ruined chain restaurants and shopping in actual stores. With that said, we cannot lose hope! I know the beginning of this piece seems a bit grim and dripping with despair, but hear me out. We single ladies need to renew our minds each time we go out with a new fellow. It’s the only way to survive the grueling process that is dating. There are some men out there who still believe in love and who are looking for their forever person. Our job is to sift them out from the bunch who are looking to play games. Doing that isn’t as hard as you would think. Here are 10 things that a man, not a boy, will do when he’s dating you.

1. He calls you on the phone.

He’s not weird about coming up with interesting conversation topics on the spot or just checking in and asking you how your day is going. He takes time out of his day to listen to you, even if just for a few minutes.

2. He texts you to say good morning and good night.

He’s aware that these small gestures absolutely mean the world. He never allows you to wake up or go to sleep feeling forgotten.

3. He plans dates.

He thoughtfully plans out what the night will look like and even if he wings it, he knows places. He always shows you a great time.

4. He tells you you’re beautiful and means it.

He isn’t just about your physique, but when he does give you a compliment, he does it by looking you straight in the eye. He says you’re beautiful, because he admires you as a whole, not just for your body.

5. He is interested in the things that happen to you.

He likes knowing about your dreams and goals in life. He wants to be a part of them and help you be your very best self. He gives you sound advice and celebrates your achievements, but you can also count on him for comfort when things don’t go as planned.

6. He takes his time with you (sexually).

This day in age, men aren’t very patient when it comes to sex. This guy is different, though. He loves the idea of having sex with you, but he’s willing to wait until you’re sure about it. He knows that you owe him nothing, even if he paid for dinner and drinks.

7. He appreciates your quirks and your little (or large) flaws.

He likes your dorky laugh and that your smile isn’t perfectly straight. He thinks it’s silly that you loathe celery and probably notices that your nose has a little bump on it. Nonetheless, he still appreciates the way you look. You have a few extra pounds to lose, but he thinks your little bit of extra squish is sexy. He accepts you as you are.

8. He’s willing to talk through misunderstandings.

He doesn’t get squeamish at the idea of talking about things and setting things straight. He’s open to listening to you and my gosh, does he listen! He understands, or at least tries to understand where you’re coming from, and doesn’t make you think you’re crazy for feeling things so deeply.

9. He’s thoughtful.

He remembers the little things you say in conversation, like how much you love sesame seed candy or how Titanic is your favorite movie. The next time you’re hanging out, he pulls out sesame candy and turns the TV on and BINGO! Titanic is on. He knows that when you say two sugars, you really mean three. He surprises you with these little things constantly.

10. He’s careful not to hurt you like others have.

He asks questions about previous relationships. He’s a real man, looking for a real relationship. He doesn’t want to repeat the mistakes that others made with you. He wants to ensure success with you and if it takes hearing about past heartbreaks, he’s willing to go through with it.