With age comes growing tired of the endless dating. The routine of meeting guy after guy gets old and bothersome. We grow weary of having the same conversations, of asking the same questions and we come to the conclusion that it’s time for something stable. Something serious. The type of serious you post on Instagram and tell all your friends about.

So, wide-eyed and chipper, we go out there looking for the perfect man. The guy who has his life together. The type of guy who lives alone and has a good job. He has a couple of dogs and a jeep. His weekend plans consist of going to the river with his furry babies and shopping at Costco. He is handsome, in a non-intimidating sort of way. He swears he’s looking for his person too and says all of the right things.

We fall for this guy and we fall hard. Finally! A guy who has his shit together. This oh-so-perfect man seems unreal, and I hate to break it to you m’ladies, but he’s not real. He’s just a player but is smart about it. He has everything in the world already but gets a kick out of making us think that we’ve finally found each other. It’s a sport to him. A hobby, a way to pass time. We miss every single red flag because we’re hopeful. We know love exists and it’s not just a concept people use to make movies and write books. Love is real, but we need to learn to be smarter about it. Read carefully, ladies, and don’t let Mr. Oh-So-Perfect fool you.

1. He Takes You On Expensive Dates

He spends a ridiculous amount of money on your first date. He shows you the wonders of the city and takes you to places that you have to be on a list for in order to gain entry. Your second date (if there is one) will be just as lavish. He is investing in you to then gain his dividend. When you set boundaries, he will be confused by it. After all, he did just spend $300 on drinks.

2. He Constantly Reaches Out

I know what you’re thinking. Isn’t constant texting a good thing? It would be a good thing if he weren’t so pushy about it. Triple texts and phone calls when you’re unavailable are a huge red flag. Staying overly relevant makes him seem serious, but this is just a small part of what Mr. Right should be doing. Pretending to be so into you that he completely disregards the fact that you’re busy living life is nothing but a tactic. When he realizes that the relationship you’re trying to set up with him is for real, his constant reaching out will turn into radio silence.

3. He Asks For Nudes Almost Immediately

He wants nudes, but says it in the sweetest way ever. He makes it seem like getting nudes from you will make him fall in love with you.

4. He Gets Handsy Quickly

He’s confessed to liking you so much, you almost forgive it. Deep down it makes you feel a little uneasy, but he’s being so legit, so why not? Stand by your boundaries, girl.

 5. He Includes You In His Future Plans Early In The Game

He’s planning on buying a place in Holbox. He says, “When we go live there…” as if he’s so sure about where this is going. It feels so real when someone starts planning their future with you included, but the truth is that he only does this to convince you to let your guard down. Stay woke, sis. Words are just words.

 6. He Agrees With You On Everything

There’s never a disagreement. Not even about silly things. He’s creating an illusion of a perfect life, and of course we all want that. Who wants to fight with bae? It’s not real, though. No one is that perfect.

 7. He Pretends You Have So Much In Common

He likes all the shows you watch. He likes all the food you like. You like writing, and what do you know, so does he! He’s trying too hard. Also, how boring is that? The point of dating is finding someone who you mesh with easily, not someone who makes you feel like you’re looking into a mirror.

 8. His Gestures Are Too Sweet

Bringing a girl flowers on a date is a lost art, some say. Most men won’t think to do this, but he does, and it sweeps you off your freaking feet. He bought you a thing to remind you of him. He’s trying to buy your trust because he wants to get in your pants. Dates one and two are not for gifts. I don’t care how sweet or thoughtful it seems.

 9. Your Dates Happen Quickly

If there is a second date, he wants to it to be soon—a day or two after your first date. He does this so that he can get what he wants and then dip. He wants ONE THING, and he wants it fast.

10. He Pressures You

He suggests certain things that make you uncomfortable and does it in the nicest way possible. He passively tells you that he wants sex fast and that he likes your body. He makes comments that would otherwise offend you, but because he seems so into you, you concede. You don’t get aggressive or standoffish because maybe you’re just being silly. You’re not being silly, and this is not okay.

11. He Takes “No” Very Personally

You finally realize that maybe he’s moving a little too fast, and the moment you try to set a boundary, even the smallest one, he acts like the victim. He acts like he only means well and that the only reason why he’s coming on so strong is because he is absolutely smitten. He makes you feel terrible for setting limits because, after all, he’s treating you like a queen.