4 Reasons A Relationship Won’t Make You Happier

Joseph Young

You’re the epitome of what it means to be single and you mope about singing the blues because nobody loves you. It seems like everyone around you is happier than you are and you start thinking ” If I only had someone to love, I’d be so much happier”. Sorry to burst your bubble, boo. A relationship will not make you happier. Actually, relationships complicate life a lot more than you’d admit to actually liking. I mean yeah, all the sex, dates and making out in the beginning is fun and can temporarily distract you from all of the other things happening in life (i.e. your crappy job, overbearing parents, money problems, etc), but more often than not, people think that having and SO will magically make all the negativity disappear. To be honest, this thought approach is infantile and can only lead you to a deeper ditch of problems. Here are some reasons a relationship won’t make you happier.

1. Relationships cost money.

Let’s look at the practical side of relationships and leave aside all the lovey-dovey stuff for a sec. Relationships cost money. If you have a shitty job, hate to spend money, or can’t spend it because your debt is piling, a relationship is just going to add on to the already stressful money situation that you may currently be facing. A handful of hopeless romantics will say that dates don’t have to be expensive and while you’re right to think that, at some point you’re going to get tired of eating off the dollar menu at Micky D’s. Netflix and chill will get old and your SO may get tired of always picking up the check if they make more money than you do. Let’s be real, kids. We all want to have spectacular dates and those usually cost money.

2. Relationships will not change the way you feel about yourself.

If you feel ugly, fat, too skinny, stupid, inadequate and like a total failure, having a partner won’t change that. My mother once told me that we attract people based on how we feel about ourselves. She couldn’t be more right. The moment I changed my attitude and outlook on my own life, I started attracting some pretty amazing guys, prior to that I felt like a loser, so I attracted losers. The point is that you don’t need someone to validate you and make you feel better about yourself. You won’t magically start feeling prettier or more confident because the same insecurities you had before finding bae will remain. Insecurities are an internal battle that only you can fight. There is no magic cure for it. You simply have to learn to love yourself before anyone else can.

3. Relationships won’t make you cooler.

Oh, to go on double dates with your friends! What joy! Instagram-able pictures of everything we eat, see, and do! What fun! Thinking like this is a clear indication that you just want more likes on your Insta and you’re probably not even remotely ready to have a healthy relationship with someone. Relationships are awesome and while our generation deems it normal to document every , single, little thing, relationships are so much more than cutesy pictures and going “facebook official”.

Relationships are about companionship and complicity. They’re about supporting one another and being there, even when things aren’t so Insta-worthy. Sure, a picture here and there is nice, but does being in a relationship make you feel good because you found your soul-mate or because ” Becky” the popular girl from high school liked your pic and suddenly you feel like you’ve earned her approval? A relationship doesn’t give you status, it doesn’t give you approval.

4. Relationships don’t fill voids.

Your parents abandoned you, your best friend betrayed you, you have no friends, and you hate people because all people have failed you, but one day you meet this guy/girl that makes you feel “loved”. A relationship isn’t meant to fill the voids others have left. It isn’t meant to replace or forget anyone. A relationship isn’t a solution do the messed up people you’ve had to endure. Filling voids others have left with an SO will just make idealize and idolize them. If your SO is human, he/she will fail, it’s just a matter of when and how.Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Fernanda Calvo

Fernanda is a native New Yorker who loves tea, fuzzy socks and stories

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