If I’m Being Honest, I’m Terrified Of Losing You

Ilie Micut-Istrate

I’m terrified of your kisses. Of your touch. I’m terrified of the warmth of your heart, of your love. I’m terrified of the good times we share. I’m terrified that one day, I’ll long for your touch. For the taste of your lips, but you won’t be there to kiss me whenever my lips will be dying for yours. I’m terrified that the warmth of your love won’t be there to keep me warm whenever my heart will be cold and in the brink of breaking.

I’m terrified that one day, I’ll need you the most, but you won’t be there.

I’m terrified of the yelling, the fighting. I’m terrified of the pain I would cause you. I’m terrified of breaking your heart in ways I never imagined. It shakes me to the core that the smile I put on your lips, that the joy you say you can’t help but show off to the world will be erased by me. That your pain will be my doing and I’ll have to live with that for the rest of my life.

I’m terrified of our love, as beautiful as it is, that one day it will turn ugly.

I’m terrified that one day, I won’t be the one you count on. That it won’t be my shoulder you’ll be crying on. That it won’t be my arms you’ll run to for comfort. I’m terrified that I won’t be the one to be strong for you, to help you through your troubles. I’m terrified that one day, I will be the cause of your tears.

I’m terrified that one day, it won’t be my messages flashing through your screen. That it won’t be my calls you’ll be waiting for. I’m terrified that I won’t be the one you will be staying up late, talking on the phone with, wishing we had time to see more of each other.

I’m terrified of the sweet words, the words I can’t help but utter at the very sight of you. I’m terrified of the poems I write for you. I’m terrified that one day, it won’t be words, sweet as honey, gracing your ears. I’m terrified that one day, you won’t shed tears because of my beautiful words, because of how much you love me, but because of the hurt I’ll have caused you.

I’m terrified of the smell of your perfume. I’m terrified that one day, its familiar smell will be a reminder of the hurt I’ll have caused you.

I’m terrified of the promises I make. I’m terrified that I might not live up to them. I’m terrified that I will be a disappointment to your heart, to our love. I’m terrified that one day, my words will be of no meaning to you.

I’m terrified of the plans we make over breakfast. I’m terrified that the future we see together might not come to pass. I’m terrified that the life we picture won’t be. I’m terrified that the memories we make will one day be a nuisance. That the memories we make will not be there to keep us young when time will have caught up with us. I’m terrified that it won’t be ‘us’ getting old together. That it won’t be us telling our never- ending stories to our grandchildren at thanksgiving.

I’m terrified that one day, the ‘us’ that is now will no longer be.

I’m terrified that we won’t be the annoying couple who just can’t get enough of each other. I’m terrified that one day, we will be fed up with each other. I’m terrified that one day, we won’t be able to stay in the same room any longer with each other.

I’m terrified that one day, you will look into my eyes and not feel a thing. That one day, love will fade away as if it were never there.

I’m terrified that one day, you’ll be a memory that I will always suppress. A thing of the past.

I’m terrified of losing you. TC mark

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