This Is Me Finally Being Authentic

This Is Me Finally Being Authentic

There are times I don’t know my worth. I don’t know what I deserve because I feed my fear over my confidence. I don’t know what I’m capable of because I allow the noise around me to silence my voice. I stay when I should leave because I think that’s loyalty. I keep toxic people in my life because I think that’s what loving people actually means. I do things I don’t want to do because I think I am being selfless. I don’t say what I’m actually feeling because I think I’m choosing my battles.

There are times I don’t love myself. I don’t love my gigantic heart because it gets me in trouble. I don’t love my over-thinking mind because it stops me from being carefree. I don’t love my body because of the barriers I project onto it. I don’t love my anxiety because I can’t run away from it.

There are times I’m my worst enemy. I blame myself about things I’m not proud about my past because I still struggle with being a human. I get disappointed in myself when I fail because I hold myself to a standard. I give up on myself when nothing is working because somehow I’m convinced it’s my fault. I let myself go when I feel so much pain because I simply don’t know how to manage it.

I’m not always happy. I’m not always in a good mood. I’m not always grateful to be alive.

There are times I don’t like where I am coming from. I don’t like my family because they can be some sort of hell. I don’t like my culture because there are things it glorifies that I am ashamed of. I don’t like my past because it robs me from the happiness I have today.

There are times I don’t have it together. I don’t have the answers I need because I’m either looking in the wrong places or I’m asking the wrong questions. I question my faith because I feel like God has forgotten about me. I lose my purpose a hundred times because following a passion is not a journey fixed. I’m not proud of what I do for a living because it doesn’t reflect my potential.

I don’t always feel heard. I don’t always feel cared for. I don’t always feel loved.

There are times I don’t want to be seen. I don’t want to be vulnerable because the idea of being rejected by someone I am falling for is unbearable. I don’t want to be honest about my beliefs because I’m tired of being misunderstood. I don’t want to show my scars because people have used them against me before.

There are times I don’t feel this world is my home. I don’t always feel a sense of belonging. I don’t always feel like I’m living the life that is an authentic reflection of the person I am. And I don’t always feel like I know myself.

I will uncover my truth until it shines on its own and I will dig deep into my soul until I find myself because this is me finally being authentic. TC mark


About the author
Middle Eastern at heart. Based in Canada. Works with Newcomers. Follow Farah on Instagram or read more articles from Farah on Thought Catalog.

Learn more about Thought Catalog and our writers on our about page.