I don’t want to make a resolutions list that I will spend weeks writing but never end up following through. I don’t want to get excited about a goal I know I don’t intend to achieve. Instead, I want to be realistic about where I want to go and where I will actually end-up. I am not going to push myself beyond my limit. I am not going to tell myself that I am going to conquer the world or live my dream life. I’m going to be honest with myself and work with what I have.
So, I’m going to do first things first.
In 2018, I’ll love myself the way I need others to love me. When no one shows-up for me, I’ll be there for myself. When everyone else is too busy to spend time with me, I’ll keep myself company. And when there isn’t someone to believe in me, I’ll have faith in myself. In 2018, I’ll commit to my mental health. I’ll acknowledge that I need help instead of ignoring my depression, anxiety, or panic attacks. I’ll pay attention to my emotional well-being instead of running away from my feelings.
In 2018, I’ll be my person and my best friend, my therapist and medicine, my safe haven and home.
I’ll do the things I love. I don’t want to bury my soul in things that I am not passionate about. I’ll get one step closer to living my dream instead of taking one step back. I want to be the person I have always wanted to be instead of browsing my social media wondering when I’ll get to live that life, do that thing, or be that person. I’ll not compromise so that I can pay the bills. I’ll not settle because it’s easier that way. And I’ll not give-up because many people already have.
In 2018, I’ll finally answer to my calling.
I’ll welcome the love I deserve into my life. I have washed my hands from almost relationships. I have cleansed my body from meaningless sex. And I have purified my soul from pain.
I am finished with modern dating. I am tired of making shallow conversations, getting in endless fights and ending-up with a broken heart. In 2018, I’ll be ready to share my story with someone. I’ll be ready to get over my fears, issues and shortcomings. I’ll be ready to be someone’s other half.
In 2018, I’ll make living my priority. I’ll choose hope when there’s none. I’ll choose the unknown over the familiar. I’ll choose love, kindness, and compassion over ego. I am not going to fix myself, I am going to heal myself.
And I’m not going to lose myself again, I am going to find myself this time.