This Is Me Choosing To Grow Up

This is me learning from my own mistakes. This is me knowing the difference from right and wrong. This is me deciding for myself and not living by someone else’s rules. This is me finding my place in the world instead of going with the flow. This is me screwing-up the easy stuff multiple times. This is me blowing-up chances I might never have again because I am attached to my picture perfect of how my life is supposed to be. This is me disregarding people’s advice and wisdom because I am stubborn. This is me fighting for my dreams, this is me not giving-up on what I deserve, this is me surviving the best way I know how.

This is me being hotheaded with my decisions, impulsive with my actions, reckless with my heart.

This is me practicing self-love by falling in love with those who are not meant for me. This is me having my heart broken for the right reasons. This is me forcing things and ideas instead of being patient. This is me ruining my chances before I even have them. This is me chasing after love like it’s a butterfly and getting disappointed when it disappears. This is me sabotaging the love I have been praying for because I don’t know how to save a life. This is me starting to question love, commitment, trust and timing. This is me thinking twice about what it is that I really want, this is me considering what kind of person I will choose as my partner.

This is me understanding the difference between having sex and making love, healthy and toxic connections, need and desire, temporary and forever.

This is me recognizing when someone is in love with who I am or the idea of me. This is me knowing when someone accepts me for my flaws and darkness. This is me allowing someone to love my broken pieces instead of allowing them to fix me. This is me being vulnerable, this is me being without filters. This is me reminding myself of my worth. This is me living-up to my standards. This is me drawing boundaries. This is me learning to be selfish about my goals and needs.

This is me learning when to let go, this is me recognizing when it’s time to leave, this is me believing that giving-up can mean success not failure.

This is me being an adult in this capitalist system. This is me worrying about paying bills, this is me having anxiety about my “savings” account. This is me doing a job that I like but not that much. This is me burning out from having two jobs. This is me not getting paid to do what I love the most, what I am good at the best, what I am actually passionate about. This is me not having a career because I don’t have enough experience. This is me not having my credentials and skills acknowledged because I am a minority, because the system is biased and broken. This is me being stuck in the same cycle my parents were in because I don’t come from a wealthy family. This is me working harder than most people to get my basic needs met. This is me making my way out, this is me creating something meaningful out of my life.

This is me refusing to be just a name without a story. This is me fighting for my place in this world, this is me climbing up the ladder until I reach the top.

This is me slowly but surely getting to where I belong.