It means experiencing a great deal of pain. Unlike many people out there, you know who you are. You know what you want in life and you are confident about your purpose on earth. And because of that, your heart breaks tremendously. You find the right person for you when it’s the wrong timing to settle because you have a life ahead of you. You share a unique, almost too magical connection with someone when you still have to make mistakes that you need to learn from. And you feel that feeling you’ve never felt before; it’s real, it’s raw, it’s authentic. You know it is it deep inside, but it’s too fast, too early, and just a little too good to be true.
It means being an outsider in the modern dating scene. You don’t play games, you don’t speak words that are empty, you don’t commit to promises you don’t intend to keep. You don’t date a hundred people to get to know what your type is.
You don’t sleep with a bunch of people to learn how to fuck somebody, how to love someone. And you don’t need to get in a couple of relationships to know how to live with someone, how to share all of you with someone else’s.
It means being emotionally unavailable even if you’re single, it means being lonely most of the time. You choose to be on your own than to be by someone whose love is conditional, whose love isn’t all loving. You would rather have a bleeding heart over being surrounded by ingenuine intentions. You don’t lie to yourself about your feelings towards someone, you don’t fake being over someone you are not over and you don’t pursue a future with someone when you don’t see one.
It means appreciating what matters before it slips through your hands. It means saying “I love you” first. It means being scared but going for it anyways, it means giving it a real chance. And it means choosing what’s on the inside instead of falling head over heels for the outside. It means not giving a shit about where they take you out, how much money they spend on you. It means counting adventures, it means making memories. It means watching the sunset instead of Netflix. It means spending time together instead of texting. It means holding hands instead of running away from them. It means being present not just being there.
It means being less selfish, less impulsive, less abusive. You see life and everything else beyond your best interest. You live in the moment but you think before you act. You express your frustration, but you don’t act it out on the person.
It means being the one who loves more. It means giving too much of yourself because you understand how lucky you are. You invest in the person, you make them a priority, you let them in and you fight for them. It means that you are all in; body, mind, heart and soul.
It means being judged. It means being misunderstood. And it means being challenged and put to the test. It means coming off as needy, desperate or dreamy. It means being told to slow down, to chill, to be patient. It means telling someone where you are coming from only to have them not see where you are heading. Your family and friends might pressure you or even tease you about it but truth is, they just don’t get it yet.
It means being committed, persistent and hopeful. It means being strong in your weakest moments, it means seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, it means creating beautiful moments out of broken experiences. It means being a grown-up before you are one. It means being enlightened early on. And it means wisdom without knowing.