Congratulations! You’re the unluckiest man on earth. The woman who loved you with her whole heart, waited for you and fought with you has left. Was she a choice, an option, or just a random mistake?
You disappointed her over and over again. You’ve done it so much that you became a bundle of disappointments. You always said you’ll be there but canceled last minute. You kept acting like you had some place better to be. You broke your promises and so you broke her heart. Every time you said no, every time you rejected her.
Every time you gave her some lame excuse. Every time you were flakey. Every time you said you didn’t know or you didn’t remember. Every time you didn’t put in effort. Every time you looked at her like you were guilty of something. Every time you hurt her on purpose. Every time you referred to the future like she didn’t exist. Every time you treated her as if she was ordinary, you killed the love she had for you.
You took her for granted. You treated her as she will always be there. And you were so arrogant you couldn’t look past your ego. So, when she made time out her busy schedule to see you or when she chose to be with you than to be with people who she hasn’t seen in a while, you thought she did it because she had a weak spot for you but she did it because she missed you and wanted you around.
You’ve mistaken her giving nature for weakness and that’s one of the major areas where you fucked-up. You wanted to keep her around for as long as you could until you became sure she was the one after you gave it a shot with all of the other women out there who weren’t her. She was there for you all of the time but you never were there for her that one time she needed you.
You prevented her from being who she really is. You kept emphasizing on how you wanted things to be and where you wanted them to go that she literally had no room to be herself. She stopped feeling safe with you. So, she stopped trusting you with her heart, body, and thoughts.
You kept her on the surface when she is like a tree that strives on roots. She began hiding her feelings. She stopped sharing with you what she was thinking. She started wishing she hasn’t met you in first place because you became troubling instead of comforting.
You betrayed her trust. One way or another you lied where she was testing your character and you failed. You withheld important information. You only told her things after she found out. You were sorry because you got caught. Instead of thinking how she wanted to surprise you next, she was questioning your intentions. When she looked at you, she wasn’t sure if she was looking at a dream or a living nightmare..
You’ve exhausted her. She got so tired of your melodrama and crap that she couldn’t take it anymore. Your insecurities, your past experiences, your lack of initiative, your misery, all of it became too much. She waited patiently and kindly. She was the sunshine, a wild card. Yet, all that was not enough for you.
She wanted magic and you gave her the illusion of it. She wanted to be lost in your world and she wanted you to be lost in hers. She fell in love with you. She fell in love with all of you especially the way you move. She found you imperfectly perfect and you didn’t believe her.
She wanted the good, the bad. She wanted your ugly and the beautiful. She wanted to witness your dark side. She wanted the weak, the vulnerable you. And she wanted the romantic, sincere you.
What she felt for you was that feeling you have when you’re running on the beach or surfing, feeling the air at night brush against your skin, that perfect amount of sunshine, hugging a baby, the anticipation as a dog runs towards you, grabbing a fresh towel straight from the dryer, looking into the eyes of the person you love and seeing one galaxy after the other.