“I’m not ready, you’re not ready. We’re not ready!”

Translation: My past relationships damaged my belief in healthy relationships. I am over my ex-girlfriend but I am not over what happened. I am going to project on you what she did to me. I am going to treat you as an enemy rather than a teammate. I am counting on this to fail because if it doesn’t, my illusion will fail and so will all the lies I have been telling myself about love, intimacy, and relationships in general. I want to see the light at the end of the tunnel but I am still wearing my glasses I wore yesterday. I am buying myself more time. For now, I choose my fear over my love for you. If not by loving, then how?

“If I get into something now, it would be a fling”

Translation: I want to date you but I don’t want to take responsibility for my choices or actions because I never do. I avoid the love I am searching for in this world because I believe that nothing will last forever. I don’t want to get hurt and just want to have fun right-now. It’s the easy way out and you know, it numbs me. It puts my dreams, aspirations and what keeps me going to sleep and I really could use a good nap at the moment. I am a man on the run. And with you, I have to face all that I’m running away from and that’s exactly what I do not want. If not here, then where?

“I’m not ready to try something different”

Translation: You push me out of my comfort zone. You make me see things in a new light. Our connection is unique because it’s deep, raw and real. And I am used to shallow and meaningless encounters with women. I have a type: the one that doesn’t ask questions, the one that doesn’t ask for much, the one that follows, not leads. You scare me so much because I am falling in love with you and I can’t control my brakes. You make me lose control. You make me think, you make me dig deeper into my essence. I see our differences as a turn-off instead of something to look forward to. And I should be gone by now because if I stay, I’ll fall too deep, and that I’ll never recover from. If not now, then when?

“If I get with someone after this, it will be with a girl who’s a lot like you”

Translation: You’re everything I want but you don’t match that picture perfect I had in my head. See, I like things my way. I am so attached to how I think things should be that I don’t consider challenging my understanding of things. I think you’re too good to be true. We met when my life wasn’t at its best and in my world, love arrives when everything is in place. You drive me crazy sometimes and I don’t know how to go about it because there’s a gap between my heart and my logic. I want you but I know I shouldn’t because it makes sense but it doesn’t. I love everything about you but something’s missing that I can’t place my hands on. Maybe it’s your uniqueness in a world too loud of similarities. If not me, then who?

“I want to be with you but I don’t see myself married at this age”

Translation: I’ve taken your love for granted, I have taken you for granted.. I got so used to having you around that I have forgotten the taste of the flavour you add to my life. I have forgotten the memories we made together, the promises we made to each other. Now, I have seen it all with you and I feel like I’m still not satisfied. I want to go out to the world and explore what’s out there on my own and not with you. Maybe it’s you. Maybe it’s me. Or, maybe, I don’t really believe in marriage. I want to get married but I have not seen the good kind of marriage in my life only the bad, the destructive, the love lacking kind of marriage. I am just not at that place to get married to you. I am not that person yet. If not this, then what?