I’m A Bartender, And This Is How You Pick Up Bartenders


For Female Customers Who Want To Pick Up A Male Bartender:

So you are at the bar with your homegirls and you and the ladies have already ordered your drinks. This is where we’ll start. A nice little tidbit about ordering drinks: Know what drink you want ahead of time and I would recommend you also pay in cash. Already knowing your drink choice shows us male bartenders that you are a confident type and that you’re secure in your decision-making abilities (both excellent qualities that we appreciate). As far as paying in cash, if you’re a strong independent woman who sits at the bar and is paying with cash for her drink, we notice that as well and appreciate it. Trust me. Male bartenders have the same mindset as male strippers when it comes to female customers with cash…we love it!

Okay, so you and your girls order a round of Cosmos and you each leave a two-dollar tip for your drinks. You ladies are laughing and being silly and every now and again you turn to catch your bartender viewing the group’s activities. What you want to do next is get your bartender’s attention, let him know you want to order another drink (even if you haven’t finished your first drink yet). Before he has the chance to walk away I want you to lean in and ask if it’s okay if you share something with him. After he nods his head in agreement, I want you to say the following words:

My girls and I stopped by here not too long ago and I wanted to say I really appreciate how you go out your way to make everyone in here feel comfortable. Thank you for that. Just wanted to let you know that we noticed.

Now, I don’t know any male bartender who has been in this profession long enough who wouldn’t catch an instant work boner.

You have to understand that this approach is fresh, new, and something 90% of us have never heard before. I personally only have had two women in my history behind the bar that approached me in this manner, and I ended up going on dates with both of them (one of them actually got into my pants). If you think you can just sit at the bar, put in no effort, and the cute male bartender all the ladies are head-over-heels for will somehow miraculously hand you over his number and set up a date? Well, you my friend are sadly mistaken. For one thing, we are at work and the last thing we want to do is to get tangled up in a sexual harassment situation. So unfortunately you will have to make the first move with your male bartender. One thing you should be sure of is the concept of tipping for every drink and letting him know that you appreciate his time. This will put him in the right frame of mind to try and pick you up. You put in the initial work and he will do the rest.

Things to Avoid

Never ask your male bartender for a free drink or a free shot. We don’t care if it’s your birthday, if you and your girls are celebrating a bachelorette party, or if it’s your first night out since your divorce. You just screwed up any chance of us giving you a drink on the house simply because you asked for it. You have to understand, asking us for a free drink is insulting. We don’t go to your place of business and ask you for free service or to give us free products just because it’s our 21st birthday, so what makes you think you can do it to us? EVERYONE asks bartenders for free drinks, especially women. Be the anomaly and don’t expect your bartender to hand you over anything for free. Enjoy the company of your friends, engage with us in a meaningful conversation and tip us for every drink, and I can guarantee you this: You and your lady friends will get a round of shots on us.

Here is another thing to consider. Do not go to the bar and all of a sudden become the “Woo Girl.” What’s a Woo Girl, you ask? If we want to go by the Urban Dictionary definition (which I think is quite accurate in this instance) a Woo Girl is “a woman usually between the ages of 18-24 who shows the excitement and fun she’s having with her friends by exalting a WOOO, usually in unison with 4-5 other woo girls.” This type of behavior irritates the hell out of bartenders and is a surefire way of getting your bartender to ignore you for half the night. It’s okay to have fun at the bar—it’s more than encouraged—just don’t be that one girl who’s a nuisance to the point where you’re annoying everyone else who’s out for a drink.

My final piece of advice is that you dress sexy enough to stand out in a crowd full of attractive women, but not so sexy that you have every guy at the bar pining for your attention. Make us male bartenders notice you with your smile, confident demeanor and bold words. And we’ll be out on that first date with you in no time.

For Male Customers Who Want To Pick Up A Female Bartender:

There are a few differences between picking up female bartenders and male bartenders. Whereas it would not be in a woman’s best interest to discuss anything alcohol-related with a male bartender, I would say it is almost imperative for men to know a thing or two about cocktails when picking up a female bartender. Here’s why.

Female bartenders deal with men who try to hit on them every other second so it’s rare for these women to meet a man who takes an interest in their actual job. Starting off, if you want to get on a female bartender’s good side, know some nice little tidbits about what she does for a living. I promise you she will appreciate it. What I like to do is to start off with an easy bar bet. Ask your female bartender to find the word “bourbon” on a bottle of Jack Daniel’s. You’ll stump her most of the time. Jack Daniel’s is a Tennessee whiskey and not bourbon. Surprisingly a lot of bartenders don’t know this. The biggest difference between bourbon and a Tennessee whiskey is a Tennessee whiskey goes through a special charcoal-filtering process before it’s put into barrels. Anyways, back to the approach.

Let’s say you’re a guy who walks into a bar and there’s the hottie working behind the bar you’ve been checking out for the past couple of weeks. You sit at a stool, usually with a friend, because going to social settings alone can be quite the nerve-wracking experience. The two of you guys order a Scotch on the rocks and start talking about sports or something to that effect. Here is what you do next. You are going to have to get your female bartender out of stripper mode (AKA work mode). The mindset of a female bartender is parallel to that of a stripper because she is at work to make money, and once her shift ends, she is going home and definitely not looking to take any extra baggage with her. So stripper mode is the ‘required flirting’ most female bartenders use to interact with men at the bar. It’s just become the industry standard. You must ignore this at all costs. Better yet, be as facetious as you want to be. If she asks questions to try and bait you into small talk (i.e., Where are you from? Have you been to this bar before?), you need to respond by giving her an off-the-wall answer like, “Oh, I’m from Antarctica” or “I actually helped build this bar back when you guys opened.” Be aloof and continue to deflect anything she says to you that may sound like something she asks all of her male customers.

As time passes by and you get to your second or third drink (you better not sit at the bar nursing a drink for more than forty minutes, I forbid it), ask your bartender if she would mind giving you some dating advice from a woman’s perspective. I guarantee you she is going to say yes 10 out of 10 times. Why? Well, because EVERY female bartender I’ve ever come across believes she is a certified relationship expert due to the very nature of her job. So use this opportunity to tell her you were recently on a blind date and it was going so well that your date invited you back to her place and you guys had the wildest, kinkest sex ever (I know what you’re thinking, but a big white lie never hurt anybody). Now your next step is to ask your bartender if she could ever see a relationship developing from a one-night stand? This question is pretty counterintuitive, so I’m going to break down its significance for you:

1. Since you don’t put any emphasis on the ‘wild and kinky sex’ portion of your story, you subconsciously elicit that you are fine with the concept of casual sex.

2. It gets you talking about sex in a very real way without coming off as the creepy guy at the bar (i.e., you’re just a guy asking for advice).

3. It disarms your female bartender’s defensive shield because the question is in no way meant it to be seen as if you’re hitting on her (which is a plus).

4. Her answer also lets you know if she is open to the idea of casual sex and it allows her to show you more of her personality (all the while getting her out of stripper mode).

No matter what her answer is to your question, your follow-up question should always be along the lines of “…so what does you boyfriend think of that?” This question immediately lets you know if she is single or in a relationship. Most female bartenders at this point have no reason to lie because the nature of the conversation thus far has been very light and non-threatening. If she’s seeing someone, she’ll tell you right then and there. If she’s single, she’ll be just as honest.

Now if she’s single, proceed to flirt with her until you close out your tab. The way you end the conversation should look something to the effect of, Hey you seem like a really cool person and you obviously give great advice…I’ll be out of town next week, but my friends are throwing a party the week after so I’d definitely like to invite you to come out.

Hand over your cellphone to her and if you’ve done everything I’ve mentioned above (to the T). I am 90% certain that she will type in her phone number. Whether or not you’ll be out of town or if you have a friend who’s throwing a party, doesn’t really matter. The point of the entire conversation is to exchange contact information. That’s it. Bartenders rarely give out their phone numbers to customers but the approach I’ve laid out for you is what I’ve used personally to hang out with female bartenders outside of their work setting. Although questions you’ve asked her up to this point may seem deceptive, the one thing you have to understand is that bartenders (especially the very hot female ones), have heard everything under the sun when it comes to customers trying to pick them up. At least this approach is fresh and entertaining.

Things to Avoid

• Do not offer to buy a female bartender a drink (because everyone does)
• Do not compliment her on her physical beauty (because everyone does)
• Do not brag about material possessions (i.e., money, cars, clothes, etc.)
• If she begins flirting with someone else, keep your jealousy to a minimum
• If she seems disinterested at any point of your conversation, do not try to plow through, just move on. Remember, she is at work.

Picking up female bartenders is relatively harder than picking male bartenders, but the foundation is still the same. Disarm her natural tendency of wanting to treat you like every other male customer. Instead, get her to start talking about real issues with you—preferably her relationship status and her views on dating. This will give you an edge over the competition and make you seem like Casanova at your neighborhood bar. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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