The Most Unhinged ‘White Lotus’ Theories From Across The Internet

It’s already an Internet-wide habit to theorize about the latest White Lotus season. Without this hobby, many of us would lose our entire identity.

That said, The White Lotus Season 3 has moved at a relatively measured pace compared to past outings, leaving ample time for tinfoil lovers to invent patently unhinged theories about Rick and Chelsea, the White Ladies, and the Ratliff family. Or, as I’ve dubbed them, the Age-Gap Avengers, Karens Gone Wild, and the Lorazeclan. Here are some real but outlandish White Lotus Season 3 theories that I’ve scraped from across the Internet and ranked from least to most unhinged.

Timothy Ratliff is not being investigated after all

Let’s start with the most plausible White Lotus Season 3 theory making the rounds, which states that Tim is not in legal trouble after all and that Kenny (He Kuy Quan) and Greg (Jon Gries) are scamming him. As for why Kenny and Greg know each other? The theory does not account for this. However, Greg is a known scammer who loves visiting every White Lotus on Earth, so it’s not out of the question that he would have done some nefarious networking in the past. By the way, the theories only get more far-fetched from here, so strap in. 

The monkeys, high on pong pong seeds, lose their minds and attack the Karens Gone Wild mid-orgy

And we’re off! Still, this theory, while wild, is not so outlandish as to be impossible. Just think about what we have in play. We have Karens going on a bender with shady Russians, increasingly aggressive monkeys, and a conspicuous pong pong plant, teased in Episode One, that could make your heart stop. We can surmise that the Karens will at least try to hook up with the Russians. Plus, Jaclyn has already hinted that she can’t get involved in public scandals due to her career. Could this be foreshadowing? What if Valentin, who probably orchestrated a day robbery, films her mid-coitus to sell the footage to the paparazzi? And what if a group of screeching macaques, high on pong pong, attack right when he’s about to get the money shot? Tbh it wouldn’t be the weirdest thing to happen on this show. 

Tim gave away his cell phone on Day One

This is an ugly cousin to the rather reasonable “Tim is getting scammed theory.” Basically, the Tim Cell Phone theory states that Tim is actually schizophrenic and has been inventing all of his phone conversations in his mind. There’s no legal trouble. He’s just visiting Delululand, the Happiest Place on Earth.

An image in the Season 2 title sequence hints that Tanya’s ghost (?) will exact revenge

I told you that these would get weird! Basically, this theory addresses an image in Season 2’s White Lotus titles that depicts a blonde woman holding a chained monkey. This blonde woman is possibly Tanya. The theory then points out that the monkeys in Season 3 are liberated, henny, as if the Blonde Woman in the Picture (Tanya) had released her chained simian sister into the world. So basically, if the monkeys attack Greg, then it means that Tanya’s ghost has finally exacted revenge from the afterlife? (And can presumably pass on to heaven? Idk?) Or maybe Tanya’s ghost will literally appear in Season 3 and push Greg down the stairs just to cause drama. I don’t fully understand this theory. 

The dead body at the beginning of the season is just Lochlan meditating

This would actually be hilarious. If it doesn’t happen then I’ll honestly be disappointed.

The Karens Gone Wild escape their Russian monkey orgy only to become lost in the Thai jungle, where they then develop a hierarchical hunter-gatherer society in which Leslie Bibb and Michelle Monaghan vote to kill and eat Carrie Coon, only to learn one minute later that the three of them were only five minutes away from the resort this whole time, like in Triangle of Sadness 

OK, full disclosure. I didn’t find this theory on the Internet. I just really want this to happen.