4 Things I Learned NOT To Do From ‘Gilmore Girls’

Do you need a break from horror movies yet? Do you need some counterprogramming? Well, here’s a tip: Gilmore Girls is on Netflix. It might not be scary, but it sure is October-y. The series, after all, premiered on October 5, 2000, and Amy Sherman-Palladino, the show’s creator, conceived her Girls during an October trip to Connecticut. Plus, the show just has a cozy October feel to it, but that’s because it’s set in our country’s most autumnal region – New England. No one has ever said, “Let’s go check out the foliage this weekend – in Las Vegas!”

In any case, you might be craving something warm and spicy after this month’s horror binges. So, if you’re not the type to celebrate cuffing season (what’s wrong with just staying single?), then consider binging Gilmore Girls. Maybe you’ll even learn a few lessons, like me.

Lesson #1: Don’t drop out of an Ivy League university for a boy

I almost did this. His name was Mike Heiman (pronounced “hymen”). He was a bisexual, gap-toothed, stick shift-driving sophisticate with a hillbilly accent, and my female best friend and I fought over him. In retrospect, I see how insane it was that I considered dropping out of Dartmouth for this man who regularly drank from birdbaths, especially considering the fact that he had once almost wrecked my parents’ Ford Explorer, hooting and hollering all the while, in an attempt to “test out the V8.” In any case, Gilmore Girls taught me that it was probably a bad idea to drop out of an Ivy League school and travel the world with your dumb boyfriend, so thank you Gilmore Girls. Thankfully, Rory (Alexis Bledel) returned to Yale after a relatively short gap period.

On the other hand, I’m still paying off my student loans and will be for the rest of my life, so was it really a good idea to go back to school? I mean… yes! … of course it was! … I mean … right? *cries silently for the rest of this listicle*

Lesson #2: Don’t discount nerds

Dean and Logan got top billing among Rory’s boyfriends, but the best man for her – if we’re ranking such a thing – was the bookish Jess, full stop. He still wasn’t a great boyfriend overall, but he understood her and he provided her with stability. Thankfully, I’m a bit more self aware than Rory these days, so I gravitate more towards nerdy guys with good restaurant recommendations and less towards chaotic guys who just came back from an orgy. Plus, I’m a bit nerdy myself! I’m writing a listicle about Gilmore Girls right now! Now, if only Rory had embraced her own nerdiness … maybe I wouldn’t have even had to write this. SIGH!

Lesson #3: Don’t treat your career like a cute accessory

How did I ever identify with Rory? She was so privileged and naive! I used to secretly hate all the privileged and naive people at my high school! Case in point: This woman showed up to an incredibly important meeting at her journalism gig without one pitch. Not one. Did she think that her job was just a fun excuse to buy iced coffee every day? Jobs are not toys. But OK, to be fair, I did the same exact thing as Rory during my very first week at People.com during the beginning of my career, but only because I was so hungover and tired from all the orgies. Ah, OK, I see how I related to her now. Well, anyway, I would never show up to a meeting without a pitch now. I wouldn’t even show up to an interview for a gig without at least one pitch in my pocket. Journalism first, orgies later. That’s my motto.

Lesson #4: Don’t act like the main character, because you’re not

Influencers didn’t exist in the time of Rory Gilmore, but you just know that she’d be the most insufferable of them all. Rory, like, invented Main Character Syndrome, and it didn’t help that her entire town was obsessed with her. She regularly disrupted peoples’ lives while following her own whims, and she always expected people to cater to her. While I may have felt this way sometimes in my early 20s, it only took a few career mistakes and one truthful professor to show me I was wrong. I’m not the Main Character, and neither is anyone else. We’re all sharing this world together and seeking acceptance, and no one deserves happiness more than anyone else. Well, maybe I deserve happiness more than, like, John Wayne Gacy, but it’s still not my place to make that call.