6 Fictional Ghosts With The Most (Likelihood Of Seducing You)
Beetlejuice Beetlejuice and all 700 of its storylines are finally in theaters, which means it’s time for us to unite as a country once again and not say Beetlejuice’s name a third time. Oh. Whoops. Well, he’s on his way now, I guess. But that makes this the perfect time to reflect upon the ghost with the most and his surprisingly enduring rizz factor. Like, how can a dead, horny fraudster be so simultaneously repulsive and alluring? It’s difficult to call Beetlejuice “hot,” but if you were playing darts with him in your local bar and had one too many pickle martinis together, you would probably make out with him. Naturally, such a fascinating thought got me ruminating on other, arguably hotter, ghosts. And before we begin, I just want to say that this all-male-identifying list is in no way meant to offend the rest of the ghost gender spectrum, so please don’t haunt me, non-binary and female-identifying ghosts.
*major spoilers ahead*
Sam Wheat in Ghost
Played by: Patrick Swayze
Reasons why he can haunt my bedroom: It’s impossible to touch a pottery wheel without thinking of this doe-eyed hunk of a man. He never stops putting the moves on the love of his life, even after he literally dies. Would your man do that for you? No! He’d probably stop immediately after he dies. Smh, so selfish. On the other hand, Sam Wheat is also a banker, which, yikes; and he also commits two acts of manslaughter in this movie’s climax. That means he’s probably going to the Bad Place. But would I follow him there is the question…and yes. Yes I would.
Denny from Grey’s Anatomy
Played by: Jeffrey Dean Morgan
Reasons why he can haunt my bedroom: Yeah, yeah: Denny and Izzy’s long-term supernatural romance was the creative low point of this 21-season-long medical softcore porn series. (Seriously, how did this show survive after the Ghost Denny season?) But on the other hand, Denny’s ghost was more charismatic than five Georges and a McDreamy combined. (Ok, maybe he was equally as charismatic as McDreamy.) Like, when Izzy finally had sex with Denny’s ghost, part of me was like, “Ugh so cringe,” but the other part was like, “Gimme that ectoplasm.”
Tom Webster in Last Christmas
Played by: Henry Golding
Reasons why he can haunt my bedroom: First of all, I told you there would be spoilers! Second of all, this movie’s final twist about Tom being a ghost was so bad, and even though my friend and I called it 30 minutes into the movie, it still made my face hurt from involuntary frowning. However, Tom can also get it, because even though he’s dead, he still has style.
Shoeless Joe Jackson in Field of Dreams
Played by: Ray Liotta
Reasons why he can haunt my bedroom: Yes, there was a time before Cocaine Bear when Ray Liotta was an absolute snack. Case in point: This movie, where he manages to serve us sexy baseball realness despite not wearing shoes! At least I think that’s why he got that name. I don’t follow baseball.
Robbie Turner in Atonement
Played by: James McAvoy
Reasons why he can haunt my bedroom: Once you realize it, it will haunt you forever. Robbie Turner is a ghost for the second half of this movie – or, more accurately, an apparition. That said, he’s also hot enough to walk the runway at Ghost Fashion Week, and he knows a thing or two about literature or whatever. He would also 100% tell off the manager of Aldi for you.
Ben Harmon in American Horror Story: Murder House
Played by: Dylan McDermott
Reasons why he can haunt my bedroom: He’s not a ghost until the very end of the series, but that’s still enough for him to be considered for this scientific ghost study. After all, Ben Harmon is a hot ghost! A philandering one, sure, but will you really be concerned about his fidelity while he’s permanently consigned to purgatory? Like, how many other living people other than you will be willing to get with, well, this very dead man? Yeah, he doesn’t have other options. This man will be floating into your bed and your bed alone every night, and that’s worth celebrating. (Unless you’re poly, in which case, well … I have five other hot ghosts to introduce you to!)
