Another day, another life cut short. Is the world we must live in – nay, that our children must live in? I’m talking, of course, of the tragic end of Elite, which recently met a merciful death after dropping its eighth and final season on Netflix last month. This show has essentially been “so bad it’s good” television for the past five years, but its loss will still be felt. After all, what else will people watch on their sick days now when they are stuck at home, stricken by the flu and horny? In what other Spanish teen drama are the students always coincidentally walking by the one conversation in school that is dramatically pertinent to them, at the exact moment when it becomes loud enough to hear? On what other series will you find a character whose entire personality is “Knows Devastating Secret about Emilia and Wears Glasses?” In what other fictional prep school is the dress code “You Can Be Naked As Long As You Wear a Tie Somewhere?” How can their school, Las Encinas, afford an internationally-acclaimed DJ every time there’s a midterm exam?
Elite just simply wouldn’t be Elite without these traits that make it so special. Ultimately, this is a show that revels in melodramatic absurdity. So, what better way to eulogize it than by remembering its most unhinged moments? Here are the top six.
6. The alumni association for Las Encinas is actually an elite escort service that hosts regular pansexual orgies
Have you ever reached out to your high school’s alumni association? If not, then you might be missing out. In Elite’s eighth and final season, viewers finally meet “the Alumni,” who supposedly have the power to make or break careers with their vast network of connections around the globe. However, they quickly show their hand and reveal that, surprise, they make these “connections” by sending their lucky scholarship recipients into the beds of rich Italian bisexual couples. This all culminates with a massive pansexual orgy in which Las Encinas students – teenagers! – are “encouraged” to “associate” with rich Alumni donors. But like, in the butt.
This, somehow, does not result in the school being immediately shut down.
5. Nadia asks Marina if she has HIV in the middle of class
The students of Las Encinas are not in class very often (see: #6), but the show occasionally reminds us that they are technically students. In Season 1, this helpful reminder comes in the form of Nadia seeing a text about Marina being HIV-positive and then asking her, in the middle of science class, if she has AIDS. Marina is then “forced” to stand up in the middle of a teacher’s lecture about Niels Bohr and come out as HIV-positive, before sitting back down again and learning how to draw an electron. Surreal.
4. Omar secretly watches his ex hook up with a guy at an orgy, then cries
It’s not so far-fetched to think that a person – in this case, Omar – might sneak into a gay orgy and then watch his ex-boyfriend have passionate sex with another man. That’s par for the course on Elite. No, the far-fetched aspect of this Season 4 scene is that no one sees Omar start to violently cry in the corner as he watches. No one at this orgy thinks that this weird lonely crying dude is killing the vibes?
3. Patrick sleeps with a closeted guy and his dad
Patrick was the closest thing to a fan favorite that Elite had in its middle years. Brave, sassy, and perpetually horny, he was the type of character who kept this series alive. But then he went and slept with a straight guy and his straight dad. Multiple times! This is the exact type of thing that conservative people are imagining in their heads whenever they’re screaming about the gay agenda.
2. Carmen does drugs and makes out with her own son after hallucinating that he is an internationally beloved soccer star
Maribel Verdú may be the best actor that has ever graced the set of Elite. She has appeared in several iconic films – she was the mama in Y Tu Mama También – and she has several major acting awards on her shelf. She even has a great crying scene in Season 7 of Elite. But at what cost? Before we see this iconic Spanish actress collapse into exquisite tears in the middle of the street, we must first watch five minutes of trainwreck TV. First, her character, Carmen, decides to do drugs with her biological son before telling him that he is her son. (In what world will drugs make that conversation better?) Then she hallucinates and believes him to be his dad, the deceased bisexual soccer star Cruz Carvalho. (How strong are these drugs?) Then she straddles her son and makes out with him for a full beat before suddenly becoming sober and screaming. Was this the first-ever TV scene written by AI?
#1!!! Fluorescent handprints definitively prove that Nadia’s conservative Senegalese boyfriend is sleeping with her brother
Few moments on this show are as memorable as this ingenious Season 3 scene where Rebe plants invisible paint on her purse to try and catch the person spying on her and her mom. However, the result ends up being doubly dramatic because oops, Nadia’s brother Omar also touches the purse. Then he touches Nadia’s boyfriend’s crotch. Then he touches Nadia’s boyfriend’s crotch … with his face. So when the blacklights in the club turn on and all the invisible paint within a fifty meter vicinity suddenly becomes fluorescent, Nadia quickly notices that both her brother’s face and her boyfriend’s crotch are covered in fluorescent paint. What follows is the slap heard around the world. If Elite ever deserved an Emmy, it was for this scene.
