First, have we settled on Polin? Not Conelope or Penelopolin? Polin sounds like a vitamin supplement. Second, is it necessary to make a couple name for everyone? “Brangelina” should have been a flash in the pan. You can’t get any better. Third, I’ll stop complaining and get to my point. The non-Conelope storylines of Bridgerton Season 3 are a snoozefest. Let’s rank them by most to least skippable. 

7. Kate and Anthony shirk their responsibilities

As was the case with Daphne in Season 2, Kate and Anthony appear for maybe five seconds in this season and then ghost everyone. They’re not the main characters anymore and dgaf about anyone else’s storyline. They’re ready for their honeymoon and don’t want to spend the entire season managing the Bridgerton household. However, they do show a bit of skin, which prevents them from being completely DOA.

6. Benedict Bridgerton is wooed by the widow 

Considering that this man’s Season 1 storyline was “Learns that Gay People Exist™,” it’s not surprising that Benedict is the dud of Season 3. Sure, it’s titillating that he goes for the Emotionally Unavailable Vixen instead of the Bright Young Thing, but nothing comes of that. Yet. The ton anxiously awaits for one of them to reveal a depressing secret. First, however, they’ll need to try something besides missionary. Didn’t Benedict accidentally see gay sex once? Didn’t he learn anything?

5. The Mondrichs enter the upper class

We like the Mondrichs. We really do. But it’s hard to care about their storyline. First of all, the Mondrichs have become rich without even trying. There’s not even snobbery on anyone’s part – Lady Danbury just acts like Mrs. Mondrich was always this rich. And if the show’s trying to stir up drama with Will’s club … Well, what? Do we see enough of these two to care if they have a lover’s spat? If the show really wanted to go there with the “nouveau riche” storyline, then the other ladies would ice out Mrs. Mondrich, leaving her no choice but to hire hits on all of them. It’s about time this show jumps the shark!

4. Violet Bridgerton flirts (?) with Lady Danbury’s brother

Not much has transpired between Violet Bridgerton and Lady Danbury’s mysterious brother, Marcus Anderson. That said, Violet deserves a storyline that doesn’t revolve around her kids, and Mr. Anderson is the key. The only reason Violet is not lower on this list is because of her dearth of prior storylines. This is the most interesting that she’s ever been. She’s full of potential now. She could dye her hair. She could become a standup comedian. She could abandon her kids and kickstart the opium movement in China. And who are we to judge?

3. Francesca Bridgerton explores her sexuality through music

I goofed with that subhead, because it sounds more interesting than what is actually happening with Francesca. Sure, it’s great that she loves music and everything, but what is really going on with her and John Stirling? Are there any real consequences if she chooses him over Prince Basic? Other than the Queen having to go out and buy a depression wig? On the other hand, there’s still the possibility that she’s asexual or at least non-normative. Is “horny for music” a thing? If that’s not already a Kim Petras song?

2. The Featherington sisters learn what sex is

I didn’t foresee myself being entertained by these simple gals. And yet, here I am, unexpectedly joyful that they’ve learned how babies get made. Imagine if that one sister had just let her boyfriend premature all over his britches for the rest of their lives. Sad! 

1. Eloise and Cressida make out (Just kidding … They’re not that interesting … Yet)

And the award for least skippable pair goes to … Eloise and Cressida! If the tea leaves are correct, then these two are on their way to a summer of love. After all, they’re already the most interesting pair of friends on the show. Add to that Eloise’s coded queerness and general distaste for marriage – or men in general – and you have yourself fireworks. Honestly, there’s no better explanation for Eloise’s sudden and drastic change in personality. I thought it was poor writing at first, but now I just think it’s love. Love makes you do crazy things.