6 Things That Are Extremely Likely To Happen In ‘Furiosa’ (We Swear)
Anya Taylor-Joy is about to shred the screen as Furiosa. Here are our very real (and not at all whacky) opinions of what my happen.
Furiosa will bring together three disparate sections of pop culture: Mad Max fans, Anya Taylor-Joy fans, and Fast & Furious fans who mistakenly thought it was a Fast sequel set in Mexico. In other words, chances are high that neophyte Mad Max fans will be in attendance at the movie’s May 24 premiere, allowing George Miller’s franchise to reach a new generation. What you can be absolutely sure about, moreover, is that Furiosa will explore the backstory of Charlize Theron’s Furiosa character in Mad Max: Fury Road. Additionally, Anya Taylor-Joy will only have 30 lines of dialogue, forcing her to act solely with her hypnotic goldfish eyes. It will also likely reference other movies in the franchise, opening the door wide to armchair theorists and Mad Max historians.
What else might we expect from the franchise? Well, as this writer is a certified non-Mad Max historian, he’s the least qualified to answer and the most excited to try.
The Green Place is actually green.
As you may recall from Fury Road, Furiosa was born somewhere called the Green Place. And judging by the extant descriptions of it and by the fact that every woman born there is a Victoria’s Secret model, we can also assume that it was an Elysian sanctum of unbridled sex. Just horny people everywhere, writhing in the grass, ripping spiky chainmail off of each other with glee. However, we also know that Furiosa is forcefully removed from the Green Place before it becomes the Tan and Dead Place, so that scene will probably not involve a mass orgy.
It breaks the record for shortest car chase scene.
The Mad Max series is always one-upping itself, delivering jaw-dropping chase scene after jaw-dropping chase scene–and Fury Road is no exception. If you consider its many chase scenes to be one continuous take, then it has the longest car chase in cinematic history. So, why not go the other way in Furiosa? Give us the shortest car chase scene in cinematic history! Furiosa speeds after the villain and just, like, immediately catches him since she’s a better driver.
Chris Hemsworth plays a villain with an insane name.
Chris Hemsworth is in this movie, but no one knows which character he’s playing? Is he Immortan Joe Clash before he becomes evil and starts wearing the Predator mask all the time? Or is he Warlord Dementus, as rumored by Internet Mad Max stans? Or does he have some other insane name like Scarbreath Ragestorm? Or Slashtwunk Domsubber? Or Wolfbear Otterdaddy? And now I’m just naming body types of gay men.
There will also be an insane new vehicle.
Mad Max scenes tend to take an “everything but the kitchen sink” approach. We’ve seen flails, molotov cocktails, crossbows, shotguns, pneumatic arrow launchers, fire-belching guitars, Gigahorse, Ploughboy, a kamikaze spraying his mouth with chrome, and even Tom Hardy eating a two-headed lizard. And considering that there’s a new director of photography–Simon Duggan, who worked on 300: Rise of an Empire–we can expect more stunning close-ups of juiced-up engines and skull-covered wheels. We’ll probably also get an incredible new vehicle–like, a Ferrari that shoots out corpses from a cannon or something, but the Ferrari is never not on fire.
Furiosa beats Mel Gibson in hand-to-hand combat.
Has Hollywood embraced Mel Gibson again? I have a feeling that Young Hollywood, and Anya Taylor-Joy, have not. For that reason, she’d probably love to beat his ass. And the children need it! Who wouldn’t love to see the original Mad Max show up just to get absolutely obliterated by Anya and her mighty elfin warrior moves? That’s how you do a cameo, folks. Or, Tom Hardy could show up and just do some pull-ups in the background for a few minutes. We’d pay to watch that, too.
Thunderdome comes back.
Or, if we want to reference former movies without denting the budget for an A-list cameo, we could bring back Thunderdome, but with a twist. The twist is that two women enter but neither woman leaves because the place has good vibes and they just love it so much. Then they gang up on Mel Gibson and beat his ass. This movie just really needs to end with Mel Gibson getting his ass handed to him.
