How You’ll End Up Losing The Best Girl You’ve Ever Had (Or How You Can Actually Keep Her)

1. You’ll lose me when you leave me waiting around. One of my biggest pet peeves is sitting around waiting for someone. It’s a waste of my time and makes me feel pathetic. Guys who are flaky drive me absolutely insane. PLEASE don’t be Mr. Maybe. If I ask you to make plans, don’t accept simply to appease me only to cancel at the last minute. I won’t be mad and will actually appreciate your honestly when you tell me you’d rather stay in or chill with the boys, whatever it may be. Have respect for my time and don’t leave me waiting around feeling like a fool.

2. You’ll lose me when you ignore me. As a working woman with a never-ending list of errands and a social life, I am the most understanding when it comes to being busy. But I really dislike being ignored. It’s okay to not talk to me all day. I’m secure enough in our relationship that I don’t feel the need to be blowing up your phone at all hours. But when I do try to talk to you, and you blatantly ignore me for hours on end, expect me to be more than a little bit frustrated with you.

3. You will lose me when you let the romance die in the honeymoon phase. This is huge and we’ve all been guilty of it before, but it’s vital to realize what a relationship-killer this can be. The beginning of a relationship, or “honeymoon phase” is one of the best phases of a relationship. Everything is new and exciting. We’re trying our best to learn about each other and make each other happy. There’s so much passion and happiness. We go on fun dates and we surprise each other because we want to show each other how much we care. But as we get more comfortable in a relationship, we tend to lose the feeling that we need to do these things. Don’t lose that feeling. Please. I’m not saying that there needs to be any extravagant gestures or expensive dates, but keeping the romance alive is crucial to a functional, happy relationship. Surprise me with something as simple as my favorite candy. Let’s go out on dates. Send me cute good morning messages. You did these things to win my heart and should keep doing these things to keep it. If you don’t, I will feel that something is wrong, and may question if your love for me has fizzled out, or even worse: fall out of love with you.

4. You’ll lose me when you shut me out when you’re upset. Good, bad, and ugly, I am here for you. Being there for you when you’re upset is part of being your girlfriend. I can’t fix all of your problems. I may not even be able to fix any of them. Hell, I may even be the cause of some of them. But I can be there for you so you don’t have to face them alone. I understand that you sometimes need to deal with things on your own, but I can’t handle you shutting me out every time you’re bothered, especially if it has something to do with me. Problems can’t always be ignored. We’re a team and we need to learn how to deal with them together, whether the problems are mine, yours, or ours.

5. You’ll lose me when you make no time for me. You’ve got your life, and I’ve got mine, but part of being in a relationship is that our lives intersect on a regular basis. Do your thing with your friends. Go on trips. Whatever it is, I fully support you doing the things that make you happy. But you need to make time for me. You need to show me (not just tell me) that I’m a priority in your life. I don’t expect you to spend every second of your free time with me, but you should be able to make time for me more than just once or twice a week.

6. You’ll lose me when you take for granted my kindness and love for you. I will almost always treat you kindly and with love (almost—nobody’s perfect). I can’t hold a grudge, and I hate being mad at you, so I will let things go easily when I’m bothered. I don’t the way I feel when I’m angry. You may view me letting things go easily as me allowing you to walk all over me. And for a while, that’s exactly what it will be. I’ll make excuses for your bad behavior because I’m a blind optimist and have a natural tendency to hang on to the good and forget the bad, especially when it comes to a person I care deeply about. But know that if you take my kind, loving, and forgiving nature for granted, soon enough, I will come to my senses. I will put my feelings first for once, and I will end something that could have been amazing.

7. You will lose me if you cross the line with other girls. I encourage you to have girl friends. I don’t care if you like another girl’s selfie. I would never ask you to end a friendship with a girl for my own selfish reasons. I know if you asked me to stop talking to my guy friends due to your own insecurities, I would end our relationship rather than my friendships with them. But you need to know that there are boundaries, and you need to know when you cross a line. There’s no reason for you to talk to your ex. There’s no reason for you to have a Tinder. There’s no reason for you to be dancing on random girls at the club. I don’t like to feel threatened, so don’t put me in the position where I need to question your loyalty. If this becomes an issue, I will put myself first and end it because I can’t stand the jealous feeling of wondering if you’re being unfaithful.

8. You will lose me when you compare me to your ex. I don’t mind when you talk about your ex, as long as it’s an every-now-and-then kind of conversation. But nothing pains me more than when you compare me to her. I don’t need to know about your sex life. She was wild in bed? COOL. GLAD TO HEAR IT. I don’t want you to compare me to her physically. That will create an absolutely unnecessary feeling of insecurity in me both physically and mentally, and I will begin wondering if maybe you’re not over her. But more than anything, I don’t want you to compare your relationship with me to your relationship with her. Your ex may have hurt you in the past and as a result, you are guarded. I’ve been through the same thing. We all put up walls to avoid getting hurt, but I shouldn’t be paying the price for someone else’s mistakes and carelessness. Just because your ex hurt you doesn’t mean that I’m going to. I’ll wonder what I have to do to make you trust me, and feel that you’ve ignored the good things I’ve done for you. Hurting you is the last thing I want to do, and the more you compare me to her, the more likely I am to walk away.