Why I Recommend Steve Harvey’s 90 Day (Sex) Rule

Steve Harvey, the bestselling author, celebrity comedian, talk-show host and love guru has inspired women around the world to hold off on sex for 90 days upon entering a new relationship in order to get the respect they deserve, and land a man who is truly all in.

Steve Harvey released his first book Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man in 2009. The book became a New York Times bestseller, and a feature film which also has a sequel. Fast forward to 2014, and the book is still being talked about, loaned to friends, and re-read. Sure enough, the chapter on The Ninety-Day Rule was one of the most talked about and controversial segments of his book.

Part of what makes the 90 day rule seem feasible for me is the fact that I often do not fully enjoy being intimate with someone until it has been roughly 90 days. The reason for this, is because I often do not feel entirely at ease or comfortable in bed with a man until I have gotten to know him quite well. After a few months of dating, I start to feel comfortable enough to genuinely enjoy every aspect of the act. After speaking with some girlfriends I realized I am not the only one who feels this way – so why not try out the 90 day rule?

Often referring to sex as the “cookie”, Steve Harvey suggests that women keep the cookie in the cookie jar for a probationary period of 90 days, causing men to have to prove themselves, work for and earn the benefits.

What was partially responsible for Steve coming up with the Ninety-Day Rule was remembering how hard he worked back in 1977, when he had a high-paying job at Ford and they informed him of their 90 day probationary period. If he worked hard, he would pass the probationary period, and reap all of the perks and benefits Ford had to offer.

In Act Like A Lady, Think Like a Man Steve asks women: “if Ford and the government won’t give a man benefits until he’s been on the job and proven himself, why, ladies, are you passing out benefits to men before they’ve proven themselves worthy?” He advises, “if you’re giving your benefits to a guy who’s only been on the job for a week or two, you’re making a grave mistake.”

Steve later adds that the 90 day probationary period “signals to a man that you are not a plaything – someone to be used and discarded. It tells him that what you have – your benefits – are special, and that you need time to get to know him and his ways to decide if he deserves them.”

So how do us ladies go about deciding whether or not a man deserves the benefits, once the 90 days are up? Steve suggests that women pay attention to a variety of her man’s actions and behaviors during the 90 day period. As examples, he points out that a man who personally comes to your rescue when your car breaks down is deserving, whereas a man who wishes you luck on figuring it out is not. The type of man who is deserving of benefits is one who follows through with plans, never leaves you hanging, comes when he says he is going to come, and calls when he is running late.

Because of the controversy surrounding the topic of the 90 day rule in Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man Steve Harvey has continued to discuss it on his popular daytime talk show The Steve Harvey Show and in his second book Straight Talk, No Chaser: How to Find, Keep, and Understand a Man. In Straight Talk, No Chaser Steve states: “When you require something of a man, he will have no problem giving it to you if he truly wants to invest in a relationship with you.”

This past year, during season 2 of The Steve Harvey Show, Steve followed up with several women who took his 90 day oath. He explained to viewers that a few months prior, several women who were entering new relationships took the oath and vowed to “keep the cookie in the jar for 90 days.” Some of these women had previously been giving it up as early as the first date.

Naturally, the results were varied, but none of the women regretted taking the oath. For some women, it worked! For others, they simply saw their man’s true colors.

One of the women had her man leave when he realized she was serious about the 90 day rule. However, she states that it was a blessing in disguise because he stepped out for a real man to step in- and her next man stuck around despite the oath.

During the show, Steve reminded women why giving up the cookie too soon is detrimental.  He told his audience that it’s important because “if you want to find the right guy, you have got to know how to weed out the wrong ones.”

Steve states that although your ‘cookie’ is a very special item, “if he doesn’t care about you, it’s the same as everybody else’s. The moment we start feeling you, then guess what? That item now belongs to us, and we start treating it very very differently.”

If a man goes along with the 90 day rule, it is because he wants to invest in a relationship with you. Steve states: “Does he really want you? Or does he just want something from you? The harder it is to get to, the more we want it.”

I encourage ladies out there, to try the 90 day rule at least once. See how it goes. Steve Harvey is a brilliant man with a wealth of knowledge to share about dating, relationships, success and happiness. If you’d like more of his insight on a daily basis, find out here what time you can watch the Steve Harvey Show, or head to the nearest bookstore to buy one of his three books!

Erica Gordon is the author of Aren’t You Glad You Read This? The Complete How-To Guide for Singles with a History of Failed Relationships Who Want their Next Relationship to Succeed, available here.