1. You constantly post memes about “love”
Whether its Monday and you’re hating love, Friday and you’re feeling independent, or Wednesday and you decide to reminisce on love lost, there is a meme for every day and your Instagram is flooded with cliché quotes on why you’re still single. I’m sorry, but your meme screams nothing more than “WHY DOES NO ONE LOVE ME?” Please just make it stop.
2. You’re not realistic about the opposite sex
Most of the time, people are not playing games, stringing you along, or purposely trying to hurt you — they’re just being realistic. Instead of clinging to some notion that maybe those three awkward dates have a rainbow of matrimony at the end, they trust their gut and go ahead and cut ties. If a guy stops texting you back, it’s probably because deep down, he doesn’t see this working out, so he’s going to go ahead and stop wasting his time AND yours. We are taught from a young age to constantly look for The One. The flaw with this is that it is singular — there is only one One, which makes it more likely for us to continue to hope something will work out with the wrong person. Be honest with yourself. If you think they’re cute but find it strange they organize their shoes by color, or you don’t like how they treat their dog, just go ahead and accept the fact its not going to work out and end it before they do.
3. You look for a “type”
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results — well, how about you apply this to your love life? So many people fall victim to a “type.” Whether it’s the fixer upper (I swear he’s gonna move out of his mom’s basement) or the bad boy (he only cheated on me twice) we eventually create a comfort in dating “types” even though in the back of our minds, we know what will inevitably happen (see above reference, be realistic). We have this comfort because we know the cycle, how it will begin and END. We know we will be swept off our feet, but will be left, three months later, drunkenly crying in some back alley after we find sexts in his phone from some girl named Miranda. We do this because deep down, we are scared of change — to try something different. We type ourselves as “artsy,” “nerdy,” “cynical,’ “sporty” and in this way, we also try to “type” our lovers. If you consider yourself “artsy” you will probably go to the bar seeking some kind of pseudo bad boy that reads a lot of Allen Ginsberg and owns a lot of records (that he probably never listens to). We put up a “type” so we will attract people who we find “attractive” but dating outside of your type is the key to breaking free of dating insanity. So what if you write poetry — it doesn’t mean you can’t have a deep and passionate love for someone that studies biology. Just give it a try.
4. You’re too open
Part of dating is slowly unfolding the mystery that is another human being — their experiences, thoughts, knowledge. If all of this is just thrown into the open early on, the mystery and allure dies quickly — and so does the chase. We get so excited when we meet someone new, that we feel a connection with, and especially when it feels mutual. We get SO excited that we’re basically ready to tell them ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING. You have to remember this new lover is still NEW. They are not telling you that their third grade nickname was “Porky,” so why are you already revealing such intimate and embarrassing details about yourself? I understand that some people just want to be open, to not hold back, but there are times when biting your lip and maintaining mystery literally saves a relationship and keeps someone else interested. We live in the era of short attention spans; you don’t need a scientist to tell you this. Apply this to how your treat your newfound lover, create and maintain attention, make them work to know your secrets and your dreams.
5. You’re too desperate
I seriously cringe when I’m watching a movie and a one-night stand happens, then the next morning the girl is scrambling up some eggs in the dude’s kitchen and is all, “Oh, hey honey, I made you breakfast.” What planet is this woman (or screenwriter) living on to think this is okay? Seriously, it is sweet, but you just seem way too desperate to make people happy. This is one of the greatest flaws when it comes to dating and keeping someone interested. You’re not only desperate for love, but also to give love. You will drive them places, walk to their apartment at 1am in the rain, rub their feet etc. etc. and in all of this, what are you getting in return? People should have to EARN this kind of love, appreciation, and gratitude.
6. You don’t do YOU
The majority of people will agree that they could not see themselves dating someone who doesn’t have a life of their own. From hobbies to a job to friends, you have to live a life separate from the romantic world. Even if you two are just starting to date, don’t skip your 5pm yoga class to meet them for happy hour, be firm in your passions and hobbies and this will show them that you’re a catch. Maybe some people just want to take care of someone else and to provide for them, but screaming, “I have nothing going on for myself so let me make you my life” is going to attract the wrong kind of love. Ditching your hobbies and passions for someone early on just shows that you’re way too eager to give up your life to be a part of theirs. This will ultimately be a huge turn off. Stand firm in who you are and what you love.
7. You haven’t met the right person
I know this is like “duh,” but really it’s true and I think some people forget it. In the midst of all your dating frustrations, all the unreturned texts and crappy first dates, there is someone out there in the world waiting to meet YOU. You are a special, amazing gem; you are a soul that is crafted and created so marvelously that only one other soul will truly appreciate and understand it. Love happens, and it happens often, but true love is another story. Do not get down and out if you have been single for x amount of — especially when social media makes it seem like everyone else has “found” love. For every rule, there is an exception; for every asshole there is the one person that makes them sweeter than molasses. You just have to remember you’re the exception to someone’s rule — but maybe you haven’t met them yet. When you meet the right person, that one TRUE person, you won’t have to play games or to hold back. It will feel as if a burden has been lifted off your shoulders and all the “norms” and rules you were taught and re-taught will fly out the window. I promise this will happen and until it does, don’t waste time on the ones you have to work to attract. Let life happen and love will follow.