What Taking A Barre Class Is Really Like

As a former dancer and long-time fitness enthusiast, I love finding new workouts to try, especially those in the dance/yoga/Pilates family. I consider myself relatively in shape, so when I discovered barre classes, I figured that given my overall good health and dance background, they’d be a walk in the park.

I was wrong.

I’ve just completed my intro month at Pure Barre and as a workout, it’s no joke. Over the course of a month I’ve seen myself get stronger and become increasingly hooked on the workout, to the point that I’m now trying to create a budgeting strategy that will allow me to continue my addiction… I mean, hobby. Below is my inner monologue from some of my first Pure Barre classes. Other barre fanatics will definitely relate.

Pre-Class

  • Where do I sit?
  • Everyone here has friends with them. Am I the class loner?
  • These girls’ outfits look so put together. I don’t own enough Lululemon to incorporate Pure Barre into my lifestyle.
  • I definitely should’ve worn longer leggings. This capri-yoga pants/sock combo has me looking like someone’s mom at a step aerobics class.
  • I shouldn’t have gotten here so early. I can only fake-stretch for five minutes tops.

Warm Up

  • Aaaand we’re jumping right into this warm-up.
  • Is the instructor’s microphone really necessary? There’s like, 15 people here.
  • Opposite elbow to opposite knee? What am I, a gymnast?
  • (Looking around room) Is everyone else in here a gymnast?
  • Holy abs.
  • I’m already breaking a sweat.
  • I’m the only one already breaking a sweat.
  • This is the longest Katy Perry remix in the world.
  • What if I die here? I guess I did sign the liability waiver…

Arms

  • Pffft, three pound weights — this is child’s play.
  • These moves seem simple enough…
  • …okay, now these weights are getting heavy.
  • I don’t think the girl in front of me even needs weights with that huge rock on her finger.
  • I think my triceps may fall off.
  • Finally done — time to stretch!
  • Okay, that was the shortest stretch EVER.

Legs

  • Why am I the sweatiest person in class? Do these other girls feel the same pain that I do?
  • What is this “tuck” you speak of.
  • Oh, pelvic thrust. Just say that!
  • I guess barre-goers feel better about spending $25+ on a class “tucking” rather than ”thrusting.”
  • The shaking begins.
  • “You’re stronger than this exercise!” AM I, THOUGH?
  • Is there an earthquake in here because my legs are off the Richter scale! Just kidding. There’s no joking in barre.

Glutes

  • Now for the “seat” work — what a weird name. Are we really playing Nicki Minaj in class but we aren’t allowed to say the word “butt?”
  • Can we get some more specific instructions in here? “It’s circle, and circle” YEAH I GET THAT PART.
  • Ok, the instructor just came over and asked my name, but didn’t correct me or tell me my form is good. Am I in trouble?
  • I feel this move on the wrong side.
  • Wait, if I’m working the wrong side, but doing both sides, it’s ok… right?
  • There is one guy in this class, and he has a nicer ass than everyone.
  • Crap, I think he can tell I’m looking at his ass.

Against-The-Wall Abs

  • More tucking?!
  • There’s no way this looks cute.
  • How is that girl’s leg reaching her face?
  • Time to speed things up, aka abs on crack.
  • Time to come to terms with the fact that I just paid $25 to raise my leg one inch for an hour.
  • I can lift my leg one inch at work, and they pay me.

Actual Abs

  • This class has so many abs sections. Barre: 40% abs, 20% barre, 10% luck, 20% skill, 10% Beyonce remixes.
  • I thought the whole idea of barre was no crunches.
  • The instructor said my form is good! I’ve got this move.
  • Ok, this move…. not so much.

Weird Pelvic-Thrusting Section With The Lights Off

  • Pelvic thrusts to end class, because what else would we do?
  • At least they have the lights off for this part so nobody can see how weird I look.
  • Actually, I can’t decide if having the lights off makes it weirder, or less weird.
  • Did I just make eye contact with someone? Awkward…

Stretching

  • I did it! #beastmode
  • What am I making for dinner after this?
  • That was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
  • I’ll be back tomorrow. TC mark
featured image – Shutterstock

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