We’ve all done it; we have worried about something until it actually happens. To give an example, this is a common occurrence amongst those who suffer any anxiety disorder, they will worry about having a panic attack until it actually happens. It is also common amongst every single person who is living and breathing.
A friend called me the other day because she was upset and felt vulnerable in her new relationship. What if something happens that ruins the good thing that they have going on? I reminded her that if she bottled up all of this anxiety and worried that something could go wrong, she will eventually self-sabotage and act on these worries, and things will absolutely begin to spill downhill. As a defense, sometimes a person may begin to build up a wall to protect themselves from getting hurt. He will walk the other way and date someone who is way more relaxed or someone who seems more into dating him. In this situation, it is imperative that you do not become “that girl”.
I can’t tell you how many times that I have single handedly ruined a potential relationship because I started feeling weird about it for no reason at all other than the fact that I let the curse of overthinking get the best of me. It’s the whole “I feel like he is with someone else right now” feeling in the pit of your stomach just because you haven’t heard from him in an hour. If he would only send me a snapchat of him lying on the couch, I would feel better, you think to yourself. These are feelings that everyone is afraid to talk about because it has the potential to make one seem emotionally dependent. It’s funny though, because once you get that snapchat or see his name pop up on your screen how all of those negative feelings go away. It feels like a release of tension.
The most influential blog that I have ever read about dating is called 40 Days of Dating by Jessica Walsh and Timothy Goodman. On it, two friends agreed to date each other for 40 days and submit a blog at the end of each day about their experiences. As I read their daily comments side by side and compared to one another, it was a huge eye opener. I won’t spoil the ending but I will hint to you that the only problems that arose in that relationship happened when one party was worrying about something that had not happened yet, therefore creating their own self-fulfilling prophecy.
The key, I think, is to live existentially. Take things as they come and live in the now as opposed to the anxieties of what could eventually happen with the relationship. This is obviously easier said than done but I think that if you are able to grasp this practice, you will find that your relationships are more successful. Don’t ruin a relationship with self-fulfilling prophecies; go on that date with the person who makes you feel vulnerable, don’t get bent out of shape if you don’t hear from them for an hour, and don’t let your mind take control to make you resilient for no reason at all. Life is unpredictable and over-thinking tends to end up ruining everything.
After all, a relationship has enough hardships to weather. You don’t need to make things harder for yourself than they already are.