We have all had a relationship that has turned to mush, yet for some reason, we stayed anyway. It needs to be over — everyone knows it needs to be over — but you are content in your routine, and it’d be a bigger hassle to build a new one then to stay in a loveless relationship.
The thing about this type of relationship is usually that both parties are involved. It is not one person’s behavior or the other. The love has simply faded and neither person wants to be the “bad guy” by initiating the break up. They may try to fix the problem for a day or so but then it is right back to square one in no time.
By staying in the relationship, you are only doing yourself a disservice. You are cheating yourself out of your own happiness because you fear — what? Making the other person unhappy? You’re both already there.
EOne of you has to step forward and at least try to have a (relatively) calm discussion because both of you have mentally checked out of the relationship months or years ago when…
1. You aren’t having sex anymore
Sex should be the easy part of the relationship, not a chore. Right? It’s not like you two are the only people left on earth and you need to save the human race. Sex should be a natural and primal issue between the two of you but if it has gotten to the point that you magnetically reject each other, than you need to realize that it is no longer natural. If the thought of being close to the other person seems like the worst thing in the world, cut ties immediately.
2. When you go to dinner you look like “the unhappy couple”
We have all seen them. It’s the couple that looks miserable together, the two people who could not be less thrilled to be breathing the same air as the other person. Both of them are playing Candy Crush on their phones instead of having a conversation. They use their phones as a shield to block out any real conversation. They look like they just found out that their dog died and are just waiting for the check to arrive. (And if you’re reading this on your phone instead of enjoying dinner with your significant other right now, you might want to take a good, hard look in the mirror.)
3. You aren’t excited to see each other
Granted, after years of being together you aren’t going to act like your significant other has just returned from World War II when they meet you for dinner, but you should at least smile and genuinely be glad to see them. If you realize that you are dreading the phone call that they are outside because you would rather be doing something else, tell them gently, and try to move on.
4. You dread the thought of going on a date alone
It seems like you would always rather have to invite friends along. The thought of the two of you being alone together for an entire night completely dissatisfies you. You already know that the two of you will just argue or run out of things to talk about. Friends are a good buffer.
5. You don’t compliment each other anymore
They don’t notice your new shoes. If they do, they complain that you spent too much money on them. No one should ever get lazy enough to disregard the feelings of their significant other. It does not take that much energy or pride to say, “Wow, you look great today,” or “Thank you for being so great.” If you are at the point where it pains you to say anything nice at all, then it is time to bow out of the relationship and look for a new one.
6. You dread the question of marriage
People probably ask you a million times a day, “So… when’s the wedding?” Never. Don’t ever ask that again. The thought of it probably suffocates you and while you are suffocating you realize that this relationship isn’t for you and you begin to look for the most immediate and fastest way out. You clearly can’t see a future with this person.
7. You have a wandering eye
It is obviously normal to check out other people and find them attractive but if you are at the point where you will let another person buy you drinks all night at the bar, than you have a problem. The only reason why you are doing this is because you are filling the void of what you feel that you are lacking in your relationship. Not saying that you are exchanging numbers or going home with this new hottie, but admit it: you love the attention because you aren’t getting it in your relationship. You are escaping reality for a moment. Too bad this poor guy and his wallet had to get involved. Three or four vodka-sodas later and you are out of there.
8. You compare your relationship to those of others
In a healthy relationship, both of you are happy with where you’re at. You may not be happy all the time — no one is — but in general, you’re pretty happy. You realize that the two of you have each other and you would not change a thing. If you see other people holding hands and laughing out in public, it should pull at your heartstrings instead of making you subconsciously angry at your significant other for not caring about you in the same way.
9. You are just genuinely, honestly, overwhelmingly unhappy
Who told you that you don’t deserve to be happy? If you are unhappy, it is time to be mindful of what it is that will make you happy and strive for it. Everyone has a right to love and happiness, do not get caught up in the need for emotionless stability. Do not sign yourself up for a life that is not fulfilling to you, because most likely, there will be a day that you will wake up and regret it.