Sleeping With Him Won’t Make Him Stay

Alf Santos
Alf Santos

Sleeping with him won’t make him stay. At least not the way you want him to anyway.

Even when it’s 3 am and all you want is to feel his skin against yours like an addict aches for his drugs, don’t do it. You have been there before.

It was also 3 am and it had all started charmingly enough. You were in a room full of people and somehow he took an interest in you. He made excuses and found reasons to sit near you, talk to you, touch you. Seemingly accidental but thrillingly purposeful. Hands on your shoulder, knees brushing. Each time, your skin felt like it was being electrified. And you just wanted more of it.

You were hooked.

Maybe it’s a trick he uses on girls. Maybe it’s just plain sexual chemistry without any profound meaning whatsoever. Regardless, it’s an undeniable truth that touching him felt so right like your skin finally found its home. Your body called for his heat and your heart started to race with each finger he pressed on your thigh.

You were totally caught off guard. You thought it was the beginning of something wonderful. You wanted to trust him this time.

And so, an exception was made to your strict rules of caution.

You handed him a security pass straight into your heart with exclusive access to your mind and your soul. You were full of hope, ready for a new adventure.

But as it turned out, you were wrong about his intention.

He only wanted your body and he couldn’t care less about your mind and your soul. To him, touching you were just to make sure he didn’t have to go to bed alone that night. And he enjoyed flirting anyway — what’s the harm, right?

Well, in a nutshell, it was never about you.

He said, “I would be up for some fun but I’m not looking for anything serious.”

You knew it meant “I would be happy to fuck you but I’m not looking for anything serious with you.”

And it’s okay. You understood. You appreciated his honesty. You didn’t just want to fuck him so you agreed to be friends. But unfortunately, your body doesn’t always follow. It feels betrayed and unwanted. It hasn’t stopped burning. It screams his name in darkness no matter how hard you try to silence it with rationale.

Rationale doesn’t mean shit when loneliness eats away at you and there’s still his smell on your hair and bite marks red on your neck.

Now, it’s 3 am again and he’s in the same room with you. You tell yourself it’s cool and pretend like everything is okay. You try to talk to him like a friend and as promised, he refrains from making any physical contact with you. There seems to be a sense of awkwardness in the way your bodies move around each other. And it hurts a little.

Maybe more than a little.

You know it’s not really okay.

Surely you remember he told you he didn’t want anything more with you but it doesn’t matter now — he’s right there and you just want his attention back. Your smile is flashed broadly but really, inside you’re dying to see some signs of interest from him. You find yourself making excuses and finding reasons to be close to him, pathetically trying to remind him of how you made him feel in the hope that it will waken his suppressed desire for you.

You secretly, impatiently wait for him to make a move as though if he does anything now, it will be a proof that what happened did really mean something and he does have feelings for you after all.

For a moment, you seriously do believe you can make him change his mind, if not tonight then after you hang around long enough.

Not to mention your body is still being held captive by his touch. Not by choice but as an instinct, your skin is yearning for its home — him. And suddenly, everything else becomes background noise.

Having him is the only way to feel good again, you’re convinced.

Hey, stop here now. Listen to me. I understand where you’re coming from. I really do. It’s a tough battle. But before you take any action you might regret, please ask yourself: What are you really trying to achieve here? What difference does this make? If he responds to you and sleeps with you now, so what?

Of course if you give yourself to him, tonight or any other night, he will take it — because why the hell not? After all, he’s a man. He’s as happy to sleep with you as he’s to sleep with any average girl. His responsiveness now doesn’t necessarily mean anything more than him having his physical urges, and it certainly doesn’t change the fact that he has already decided what he wants from you and it’s different from what you want from him.

If you sleep with him now, it just shows that he has successfully managed your expectations and you have accepted what he is willing to give you for how little it is.

Also, remember that men are much better at living in the moment than women. His attention and affection might mean everything in the moment it happens but it does not necessarily promise anything in the next — especially when he doesn’t think with his brain but with his d*ck.

So unless that’s what you’re in for, sex is not the answer. When it’s not about your needs but instead about your heart, don’t do it. Don’t try to touch him. Don’t sleep with him. Because if you have sex for any reason other than the one that asks specifically for pleasures, chances are high you’re making a mistake.

Sex is meant to be joyful, not a one person’s desperate search for hidden love in hurried kisses and aggressive thrusts.

Say out loud what you really want and don’t sleep with him. Because sleeping with him won’t make him stay. At least not the way you want him to anyway.Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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