14 Classic Texts From Guys Every Girl Has Received At Least Once

Because as Christopher Hudspeth proved, neither men nor women can truly adeptly navigate the magic that is a text message, but hey, at least we’re all together in our dysfunction.

1. The mass “hey” that you’re pretty sure is being sent to about 5 other people, and he’s just waiting to see what bait he picks up.
Screen Shot 2014-11-13 at 10.04.19 AM

2. The “hey” that is more deliberate, if a little clueless.
Screen Shot 2014-11-13 at 11.44.19 AM

3. The read receipt of a man who plays with fire.
read receipt

4. The one where he feels morally obligated to appease your bad joke because he thinks you’re cute, but you really don’t have to continue this text thread any further at the present moment.
Screen Shot 2014-11-13 at 12.23.19 PM

5. The “I’m clearly lying about this, but if you reply now, it means you’re still out so I’ll take my chances.”
the dodged bullet

6. The one you get five seconds after you posted a selfie on Instagram where you look particularly fly, and he wants to put you on notice that he noticed it.
selfie

7. The mild apology for being so drunk last night that he does not even remember if he was functional, let alone if the two of you had sex.
i was really drunk

8. How to avoid making concrete plans: Step 1, deflect with a joke or commentary. Step 2, never offer an actual alternative to the suggested plan.
deflection

9. The text he uses to preface having something resembling a conversation about your status, relationship, what the two of you are, etc. and actually express any number of actual feelings, but still wants to look like he’s chill about whatever outcome happens so it’s like, whatever, man.
Screen Shot 2014-11-13 at 11.10.46 AM

10. The text that makes you question if you’re dating a grown man or mothering a toddler.
Screen Shot 2014-11-13 at 11.20.25 AM

11. The one that is mildly flirty, but you’re really not sure, so you wind up taking a screenshot and dissecting every last possible nuance with five of your closest friends.
Screen Shot 2014-11-13 at 11.27.50 AM

12. The two-word neolithic grunt that otherwise translates to “On a date with my bros, our beers, and a beautiful 72″ TV. Please do not disturb.”
Screen Shot 2014-11-13 at 11.29.56 AM

13. The passive-aggressive question mark that lets you know you’re being watched for not replying immediately within a nanosecond of receiving that text.
Screen Shot 2014-11-13 at 11.34.07 AM

14. And the one that needs no explanation. TC mark
no explanation

featured image – NAME

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