1. Launching into the most dramatic and unprecedented of dramas with little to no disclaimer or warning that when you ask how they’re doing, ooh buddy, do they have a story for you.
2. Stealing food off your plate.
3. Teasing your significant other for you, and making jokes that might be a little weird if mere acquaintances were to make them. Not that you’re possessive but… yeah, you’re a little territorial when it comes to both your boo and your best friend.
4. Saying they’re your best friend, because for some unknown reason, whenever anyone else tries to cop friendship by proclaiming it, it just feels a little forced.
5. Letting you know when you’re full of shit.
6. Texting you at 3 in the morning because whatever they had to say was so important that it simply could not wait.
7. Flaking on Friday night plans because they’re too exhausted to go out — because you know they’ll then suggest you come over and you can be lazy and pig out together.
8. Telling you when you look less than stellar, because you know they have your best interest at heart and aren’t doing it to hurt your feelings.
9. And for that matter, buying something that you own, because they love it so much that they don’t want to borrow it and then never give it back.
10. Making themselves at home when they’re over at your place, up to and including commandeering the remote, helping themselves to your fridge and/or bookshelves, and getting way too cuddly with your cat as if to claim it as their own.
11. Asking for help on a resume or cover letter, or any other adult-ish thing they really should have down by now but here we are, my friends, here we are.
12. Texting you that their plans fell through and if they could hang, only to spring “good, because I’m around the corner” when you say okay.
13. Spoiling the plot of every movie and TV show you still haven’t gotten around to seeing, because they know that you need to be filled in to operate as a functioning member of society.
14. Forcing you to talk about something you don’t quite want to talk about, because they just know it’s bugging you and that it’s important you talk through it in order to deal with it and move on.
15. Disparaging your ex and wishing any number of plagues on them. When other people do it, it seems a little mean, but when your best friend does it, it just seems… satisfying.
17. Muttering “Mmm, yeah, okay,” and so on when they’re looking at their phone as you’re talking to them because you know, even though their eyes might be on their screen, their hearts and attention are 100% on you.
18. And whenever they make plans for the both of you without consulting you first. After all, they’re your best friend, and they know what you like. Sometimes you just kind of have to do first, and think later, and drag your best friend along for the ride.