If you are having problems getting a second date, see if you’re making any of these common first date mistakes that plague women. (Note: that this is geared toward women, but men do a ton of frustrating, crappy DON’Ts too).
Without further ado:
1. Do Pick a Good Location
It’s not too smart to have your first date in anyone’s living room. If they suggest you just “come over,” steer the date somewhere else. Somewhere you can grab a quick drink or coffee is ideal, especially if it’s in walking distance to other fun activities. Flexibility is key – if things go south, you’ve got an easy exit. If you’re both having a good time, it’s easy to transition to an evening stroll through downtown.
2. Don’t Allow Inappropriate Timing
Don’t agree to meet up after a reasonable hour – 9pm should be your cut off. He doesn’t have to know that you’re just watching Family Guy in your underwear after this time. Try to schedule first dates before the sun goes down. The first date is about getting to know each other. That’s not going to be easy if he’s focused on where you’ll end up after last call.
3. Do Wear Something Cute
You know the outfit – the one that looks smoking hot on you? It’s a confidence booster, and he’ll definitely enjoy it. However, if you look like you are missing half your outfit, it will be difficult to pry his mind out of the gutter while you discuss light first date topics. When in doubt, add a layer or ask a good friend their thoughts on what you’re thinking of wearing.
4. Do Get in the Right State of Mind
Be friendly, kind and approachable. Relax. You’re here to have a good time, remember?
If today isn’t your day, reschedule the date
Once I went on a date immediately after finding out that a friend had passed away. Apparently it’s not sexy to stare off into space, lose track of the conversation and spend the whole date on the verge of tears. Even though I explained the situation in advance, it was just too much for a first date to overcome. I don’t blame him.
Try to go out at a time you can be emotionally present and project a happy attitude.
5. Don’t Get Hammered
Want to look like a total booze-hound or a nervous wreck? Great, order another cocktail. Most guys aren’t looking for a long-term relationship with the girl they can go shot-for-shot with. Impose a two drink maximum on yourself.
6. Don’t Forget That There’s an Actual Person in Front of You
Don’t rattle on and on about yourself. Make sure that the conversation has equal give and take. There is nothing more unattractive than someone who is completely self absorbed. Ask questions about him and listen to the answers.
7. Do Put Down Your Phone
I used to wait tables in college. Once I watched a woman text through an entire date. After sitting through an hour of uncomfortable silence, the guy told her that she must be too busy to see him again and walked out.
If you MUST take that text or call, excuse yourself to go to the bathroom and check it there. Make sure you give your date your undivided attention.
8. Do Mind Your Table Manners
This one should go without saying. Don’t chew with your mouth open. Don’t chow down like it’s your last meal. Don’t lick your fingers. Think “lady-like.”
9. Don’t Ask About His Finances
Unless you’re starting a new career digging for gold, avoid asking how much he makes, where he sees himself in 5 years, whether he thinks he’s getting promoted soon, or other financially based questions.
A friend of mine told me once that women had asked him repeatedly what kind of car he drove. He took offense, and didn’t see any of them again. Don’t dig for any information on his financial status.
10. Don’t Reveal Your Insecurities
Don’t try and get reassurance about your outfit, if he likes you, or anything else. If you feel like you could crawl under the table because you’re so nervous, don’t bring it up. Confidence is key.
11. Don’t Mention Your Exes
He does not want to hear the sordid details of your past relationships. Put yourself in his shoes. You probably don’t want to hear the gory details of his last relationship either. So keep quiet about your exes and don’t ask about his.
You don’t want to seem hung up on anyone– which is how you sound if you bring him them up at all. Not a good first impression.
12. Don’t Act Desperate
Don’t mention how you want a big wedding, a picket fence and three kids ASAP. Avoid sharing that you think you’re soul mates. While these might be life goals for you, any mention of the future or marriage at this point comes across as putting the cart before the horse.
13. Do Avoid Mentioning the Bedroom
The first date is not the time for references to the bedroom unless you want to look like sex is the primary thing you are interested in. If you really want to scratch that itch, cool, but it won’t kill you to talk about something else for 45 minutes.