Whether you should get back together after a breakup can be tricky. Right now the idea of getting back together can seem like a really good one, and the solution to getting rid of that terrible ache in the pit of your stomach. It can seem like if you could just erase the breakup and get back together, you would be happy again.
Relationships are both the source of our greatest joy and the most severe pain. Let me assure you, I’ve been through my fair share of breakups and know how terrible it feels. I must caution you that while it may seem like getting back together with your ex is a good idea, check out these questions to ask yourself.
Have you Experienced Growth?
Have you grown from the relationship?
Was your time with your ex a positive experience or riddled with negativity?
Is the person you were with someone who has the qualities you deep down desire in a mate?
Do you see yourself with them long term?
Are there serious deal breakers in the other person’s lifestyle which would make your relationship difficult in the long term?
Can You Move On?
Even if you and your ex get back together, it is likely that the problems you both had in the relationship are still around. Are you willing to get past these issues to build a future together?
Can you let go of what happened in the past? Are you willing to forgive and forget and move on?
If you can’t resolve the issues that broke you two up in the first place, it is not likely that you will have success with reconciliation.
How Do You Feel About Change?
To really move on and have a good relationship with your ex in the future, it’s essential that you are ready to make big changes in the way that you treat each other. What broke you up in the first place can break you up again if you aren’t careful.
Are you willing to evaluate your goals for the relationship and make some changes to your behavior?
It is critical that you understand that there will be some core issues with abandonment going forward.
Are you willing to make it clear that you’re committed to the relationship if you were the one who broke up with him?
Are you willing to deal with leftover abandonment issues (like the fear he’ll dump you again) if he was the one who wanted the breakup in the first place?
If can get back together and not continually fault your ex for the things that happened, things are much more likely to work out. If there was a lot of betrayal or hurt, it will be a lot harder to get past.
It’s really important that you take the time right now to decide whether getting back together is worth it.
Do you really want to get back together and have another painful breakup?
I would assume not. Make sure you figure out the real reasons you want your ex back first. Is it loneliness? Fear? Or that you really miss him and want him back? Figure out what it is before you make any moves to get back together. Take the time to figure out where you stand instead of acting out of hurt or fear.
If you’re hurting over a bad breakup, this might not be the time to make big decisions about your future with him. Remember, even though it seems highly urgent that you do something right now, it often is the opposite. While it’s a cliche, sometimes things happen for a reason. Sometimes that ex is too much to pass up.