6 Signs It’s High Time To Give Up On Getting Your Ex Back

istockphoto.com / Enrico Fianchini
istockphoto.com / Enrico Fianchini

Have you been trying to get your ex back but it just doesn’t seem to be working out?

Do you feel like you’ve tried everything only to have them “sort of” be in your life but not in the satisfying, full relationship that you used to have?

Wondering when it’s time to give up on your relationship with your ex and finally make the decision to move on?

From the outside, the answer to whether you should move on seems like it’s so simple— after all, for people not in your relationship, it’s easy to say “they’re an ex for a reason.” But I get it, when you’re involved in it, it doesn’t feel so cut and dried. And for the most part, when you really love someone and expected to spend your life together, it’s not a trivial decision to move on for good.

Unfortunately, there are definitely times when you should call it a day on your relationship even when you still really love them, and that’s what I want to talk about today.

Here are the no-fail signs that it’s time to give up on your relationship with your ex and start the process of getting over it for good:

1. Your Ex Is in a Committed Relationship With Someone Else

You are not doing yourself any favors by pouring through their wedding photos on Facebook. It’s time to call it a day when they start living with someone else, get engaged or marry another person.

Them moving on is a powerful sign that it’s time for you to give up the ghost and start the process of getting over them. Plotting to get them to dump their new flame in favor of restarting a relationship with you is petty and well… not usually successful. So is allowing yourself to hold onto the fantasy that one day they’re going to leave their wife or husband and realize how much they miss you. The unfortunate reality is that even though you might feel one way about your relationship, they don’t feel the same anymore.

2. Your Relationship Had Serious Unsolvable Deal-Breakers

Getting Your Ex Back Can Be Tiring! Self Love and Getting Over…Drug abuse, an unmanageable family, them wanting kids but you don’t or vice versa, and/or fundamental disagreements about how you would live your life together are all reasons to call it quits permanently.

When you’re striving to get them back it can be easy to gloss over these things, but even if you succeed in getting your ex back into your life, you’re still going to face the same serious problems you had before you split up. If those problems are unsolvable or you can’t find a way to compromise, it just isn’t worth it to keep trying.

3. There Was Abuse

Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Leave for good. Period.

4. You Lack Respect for Each Other

Lack of respect can seep into a relationship and poison it over time. If you’re having a problem seeing how important this dynamic is to avoid, consider whether you have (or are planning) a family.

Do you really want your children to grow up thinking that it’s okay to disrespect their mates?

Probably not. People often rationalize this kind of thing, thinking “well it isn’t so bad” when they’d be mortified if their mate said these things in front of their children or family. You deserve to be treated with respect in all of your relationships— and so does your partner.

5. They Dumped You by Disappearing

Even if you got the magical answer why they left, it doesn’t change the fact that they lacked respect for you so much that they didn’t bother to even tell you the relationship was over before dumping you by desertion.

And if they return, how do you know that they won’t take the coward’s way out again? You don’t want to be constantly wondering if they’re going to leave you every time they go to the grocery store. By winning someone back who left you this way once before, the months and maybe years of wondering if they’ll do it again will destabilize your relationship for the long term.

6. When Trying to Get Them Back Has Taken Over Your Life and Eroded Your Self Esteem

I’ve said it before, but it deserves repeating. Heartbreak can make us do crazy things that wouldn’t seem normal or healthy to our non-heartbroken self. It can seem perfectly rational to drive over to your ex’s house to sob on their doorstep in a misguided attempt to convince them that what you two shared was real. Your non-heartbroken self would cringe.

If you stay in this place of heartbreak, hanging on and constantly plotting, you’re wasting your life. It’s one thing to know for certain that you want to revisit your relationship, but it’s a whole other to constantly spend your time plotting about how your can get them back in your arms without any reinforcement form their side. Staying in this emotional place can do a number on your self esteem. And you going all “fallen soldier of love” is frankly, not sexy.

Ultimately only you can decide when it’s time to move on. But if you’re seeing yourself in any of these— I urge you to consider whether it might be time to call it over and make the decision to leave your ex behind and turn a new page in your relationship life. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

This post originated on Attract the One.

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