Ever wondered, “why does every guy I like seem to drop off the face of the Earth after a few dates?”
Yeah, me too until I took a hard look at my behavior and realized embarrassingly that I was doing some of the things I’m about to discuss with you today.
Without further ado…
Here’s my list of 12 things that scare men away faster than seeing a Voodoo hair doll made in his likeness:
1. Commitment of any sort too soon.
Even if you can see a relationship with him evolving into something life-changing, you look like a creeper when you share this with him in the first few dates. Keep dating other people if you have to. Always avoid acting like anyone’s insta-girlfriend. It comes off like you’ll be a handful to have a future with.
2. Clinging to him like static.
While it might seem like spending every waking moment together is fun at first, it will get old. It’s more likely that he will feel this before you do. All good relationships have a little space in them. He should be able to miss you and occasionally be the one to initiate contact. Keep your friends, hobbies and interests alive.
3. Over communicating.
“What are you doing?”
“How about now?”
“And now? I just thought I would share what I’m having for lunch.”
“I sneezed and thought of you!” Ugh… no.
Sometimes we blow past all reasonable boundaries when we’re excited about a relationship. While it may initially seem cute to him that you’re contacting him a lot, it won’t be long before he’ll begin to start seeing you as insecure and clingy. Let him initiate the communication from time to time.
It’s pretty much never a good time to start chiding him about things he’s “doing wrong.” You might change his behavior in the short term, but the cost you’ll pay in his resentment will be large.
5. Emotional outbursts.
I don’t know a person alive who hasn’t at some point completely flipped their top. It happens to everyone. However, freaking out (and acting it out) is never good for your relationship. If you’re prone to this, work on displaying your feelings calmly. It never hurts.
6. Making him pay for every. single. thing.
I’m definitely a fan of courtship, but remember that it’s sure nice to treat him also. Expecting him to cover everything, all the time is more than a little one-sided and mean. It can also make him feel like you’re just there for free dinner.
There are other ways to reciprocate his generosity if you can’t afford to pay the check— for example, with a home-cooked meal, date that you arrange or little thoughtful surprises for him. It should feel like you’re both giving to the relationship, not like he’s paying for your company.
7. Acting entitled.
Don’t act like you automatically own his weekends, access to his wallet or anything else. Be nice to everyone, and don’t treat anyone like they owe you something.
8. Being rude to others.
Ever heard that phrase “Anyone who is nice to you, but not nice to their server is not a nice person?” yeah, so has he. I realize that telling you NOT to be a jerk if you’re really a jerk isn’t going to create meaningful change in the world. But for those of you who have an edge, know that it can kill your budding romance dead.
9. Making him accommodate your high maintenance behavior.
High maintenance behavior has a lot of different manifestations. It can be not leaving the house without looking like a fashion plate. It can be wanting that perfect, specific food item. High maintenance can be a lot of things, not all bad, but he simply shouldn’t be required to suffer as a result.
For my sisters who look amazing all the time, go on with your bad self. This is not about dulling your shine or putting you down. It’s about… waiting time. No one wants to feel like their time is disrespected or you can’t go for a spontaneous walk because you wore “The Shoes.” So get the beauty routine figured out before he shows up to pick you up for dates, and dress for what you expect to be doing together.
10. Emasculating him.
This one already has it’s own whole article by moi, so go read it and I won’t belabor the point.
There are a ton of things to make assumptions about when you meet someone new, and the vast majority are a bad idea. Assuming that he’s on the same page as you, automatically thinking he’s “up to something” or wondering if he’s already pulling away are all problematic.
When in doubt, wait and see or have a gentle conversation about it.
12. Predicting that “it’s over” and then making that a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Maybe he doesn’t call at the exact time he says he will. Maybe things seem “off.” The problem is that filling these grey areas with doubt and mistrust will create a problem where there wasn’t one before.
This post originated on Attract the One.