
Itâs embarrassing to mention publicly, but after a particularly upsetting breakup, I became obsessed with the idea that the relationship wasnât really over because he hadnât unfriended me on Facebook. It didnât matter that he had said the words âweâre doneâ and unceremoniously walked out of my life for good. Since we were still âfriendsâ online, I nursed the fantasy that there was still hope for our relationship. I clung to this delusion for months, checking daily to see if he had deleted me. Every time I saw that we were still online âfriends,â I felt that his return was still possible and even likely. That is, until the day when I saw that he had finally unfriended me for good.
Weirdly, I remember that day better than the actual day we broke up. It became the catalyst that finally got me out of fantasy-land and back to reality. If I was more proactive and cut off the contact myself, I might have saved myself lots of time that would have been much better spent actually getting over the breakup.
If youâre going through a breakup and havenât hit delete yet, here are seven reasons why you need to RIGHT NOW:
1. Theyâre Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind
If youâve recently gone through a breakup, your ex is probably on your mind enough already. If youâre struggling with getting them out of your head and moving on with your life, the last thing you need is to see their recent vacation pictures or status updates.
Staying âfriendsâ makes it so that reminders of them can come suddenly and often, tempting you to think about them when maybe you werenât at that particular moment.
2. It Will Curb The Urge To Contact
Once theyâre finally off your mind, itâs less likely that youâll want to contact them. If theyâre right there in front of you all the time, itâs easy to rationalize that you should text or call to mention something (anything) that is going on in their life. Often, when itâs healthier to maintain no contact, the temptation to say hello when they mention the new person theyâre seeing can just become too great.
3. You Donât Want To Turn Into A Cyberstalker
Thereâs a difference between stalking them and innocently seeing their updates without seeking them out. Even if you block their status updates from showing up on your page but remain friends, their profile is still there, open for you to go look at whenever youâre feeling weak. No one wants to admit to combing their exâs profile for signs of potential reconciliation in a weak moment, but heartbroken people do it all the time.
For everyone who believes that their ex trotted off into the sunset and never thought about them, this simply isnât usually the case. If theyâre on your mind already, it can get tempting to go through all of their updates looking for a clue that they want you back, or some kind of news about their life. When you delete them, you reduce the temptation for both of you to backslide into a relationship that didnât work.
4. It Will Speed Your Recovery
A lack of constant reminders makes it easier for you to look within and heal from the breakup. To heal, you need less of your ex, not more. If you stay âfriendsâ or keep following them, youâre just drawing out the process of truly getting over it.
5. And Reduce Drama Online And IRL
Not knowing what theyâre up to makes it so that you canât have a meltdown about them dating someone new, moving to another state, or a myriad of other things that you can get worked up about. The less information you have about your ex, the better.
That way you arenât tempted to try to show that youâre doing great without them or send them telepathic messages through your status updates. The less non-essential information that the both of you have about the other in the wake of a breakup, the less likely it is that their status update about their new flame will send you over the edge.
An added side effect of deleting them is that youâre less likely to âvaguebookâ information meant for your ex that will irritate your friends and family in the long run.
6. Youâll âCompareâ Less
Since you know much less about what theyâre up to, it prevents you from falling into a comparison spiral at the drop of a hat. Itâs common to wonder if youâre doing better/worse than your ex, if theyâre dating someone new, if they got that new job they wanted, etc. Deleting them makes it so that you canât judge their âprogressâ versus yours after your split.
7. It Makes You More Mysterious
If youâre flirting with trying to get your ex back, know that going cold turkey and deleting them makes it harder for them to simply look at your profile to find out how youâre doing. If you arenât âfriends,â they canât look at your carefully curated âhappy lifeâ and deduce whether they should or should not contact you.
Deleting them takes away the opportunity for them to get a âfixâ on seeing whatâs going on with you but not actually saying hello. This way, if your ex is going to get in touch, they will do it because they want to, not as a result of your campaign to show the world how youâre doing or because your status update from last Thursday triggered them.
This article originated on Attract the One.