If we’re being perfectly honest here, dating can feel like an endless grind where you beat your head up against the wall again and again, hoping that you’ll finally succeed in meeting someone great.
The cycle of getting a date, going out with someone new, enjoying yourself and then experiencing some version of you or them not calling, over and over can really chew up your ego.
So how do you keep going on dates and putting yourself out there without getting discouraged and throwing in the towel for good?
Try these four tips for feeling good about dating even when you want to give up and start your crazy cat lady collection.
1. Maintain Balance
Don’t let going on dates take over your whole life. It’s easy to get burned out on anything when you turn it into a part time job. Limit dates to only one or two a week. The rest of the time, make sure you’re still out doing things you enjoy like maintaining your hobbies and seeing friends regularly.
This serves two purposes. First, you won’t lose touch with the parts of your life which provide you joy. Second, passion is an aphrodisiac. You’ll have something to talk about and you won’t have stopped living your life while you’re on the road to finding the one.
At one point when I was looking for Mr. Right, I went out with 5-8 new Mr. Wrongs a week. I’ve never been accused of doing anything half-way and it shows. Not surprisingly, I wore myself out and had to go cold turkey every few months.
When you’re seeing too many people it’s easy to start treating the whole thing like a job interview. Job interviews are not sexy.
2. Make Dates Fun
The most memorable, enjoyable dates I’ve been on were the ones that were meant to be fun. Go-carts, mini golf, real golf, pool, painting mugs, driving fast cars, goofing off, silly fun stuff. Fun activities are a complete breath of fresh air when you compare them to making awkward conversation over risotto. It’s okay to save the more romantic stuff for later when you have an actual romance happening.
When you’ve been striking out with people, it’s easy to stop being happy and playful since it’s grinding to put yourself out there again and again. When you stop having fun, it shows both in your enthusiasm and your attitude toward your dates.
A sure sign of dating burnout is when you’re cringing about going on a date. Men, schedule dates that are fun. Women, mention that you’d like to do something fun.
3. Cultivate A Blasé, Thankful Attitude About Rejection
The truth is that dating can be brutal. Letting yourself be interested in someone new over and over again while getting your feelings hurt or being rejected can feel like you’re walking on broken glass after a while.
This is why changing your attitude about rejection can change your whole life. Each and every time you start to feel that a new person is blowing you off or that sinking feeling when they want to have “the talk”, I want you to be thankful.
Be thankful that they’re gone. Be thankful that someone wrong for you has done you the favor of leaving the building. Be thankful that your fabulous self isn’t being contaminated anymore by the hope that something with them would work.
After that, let it go. Let go of all of those people who walked into your life and promptly searched for the door. Don’t call them. Don’t text. Don’t send them Christmas cards. Say goodbye to the hope that it would work out and let their rejection set you free to find the right person.
Sure it can sting hearing that you aren’t their cup of tea. But the truth is that if you’re not their cup of tea, they’re definitely not for you. Be unapologetic about cutting them out of your life. Move on!
4. Take A Dating Break
Sometimes it’s necessary to stop dating altogether for a few months to recollect and think about your recent experiences.
Are you attracting the wrong people? Are you feeling crappy while you’re doing it? Has your gorgeous wide-eyed hope been replaced with jaded lists of requirements for your love? Time to take a break to recalibrate and get over some of the dating disappointments you’ve had lately.