Ever broken up with someone and wished you could take it all back?
Ever wish that you could turn back the clock and turn things around in your relationship?
Ever been on the receiving end of a breakup speech and thought “if only I had…” about some aspect of your relationship?
I know I sure have. Today I want to help you get over that nagging, agonizing feeling of regret that you might have done the wrong thing by breaking up OR that you could have done something differently that would have prevented your breakup completely.
Basically, you already know that feeling this way is agonizing. The sleepless nights, the bargaining, the worries that you messed everything up. That lump in your throat as you go about your day on the verge of tears. You might WANT to get over it, but you heart seems to have other ideas.
The obsessive thoughts can feel too overwhelming to bear at times.
So, how do you get past these regrets about your breakup so you can be happy again?
Here are 5 ways that I’ve dealt with breakup regret myself:
1. Resolve to move on.
Since we get what we focus on, if you focus on moving on, that’s what you get.
If you focus on your regrets about what happened in your old relationship, they will grow and you’ll start to act and sound like a tragic fallen movie hero.
You know, one of those stoic creatures who will never, ever get over their tragic lost love. That might seem romantic from afar, but trust me, you don’t want to allow yourself to become one of these damaged characters who can never, ever heal from their romantic transgressions. Trust me, acting the part of the wounded will drive people away in droves, killing your chances of meeting someone else.
Plus, if you don’t resolve that it’s time to get moving, how are you supposed to ever be happy again? Make the decision to do and be different. It will be hard at first, but eventually you’ll heal and this will all be a distant memory.
2. Give yourself closure.
Wanting perfect closure will keep you stuck just like not making the decision to move on. That’s why even in the wake of a breakup you didn’t want and didn’t invite, it’s important to give yourself the gift of closure. I explain how to give yourself closure here and the best part is that you don’t need anything from your ex to get started.
3. Focus on the other successes in your life.
There’s a reason that every relationship professional under the sun mentions that now is an excellent time to dive into your personal hobbies, career and other relationships. Because changing your focus away from what you’ve lost and back onto yourself has such powerful, transformative effects. A breakup is a time for rebirth, to reclaim the pieces of yourself that you ignored or didn’t have time to express while you were in your relationship.
4. Use affirmations to get through the painful times.
Since the pain of losing a relationship comes and goes in waves, it can be really helpful to have a plan for what to say to yourself when the grief hits you. At those dark times, I’ve found that using positive affirmations really comes in handy.
A few that have helped me are:
“Whatever is meant to be, will be.”
“This is all for the best.”
“If our relationship was all right, we’d still be doing it.”
5. Make a plan and see it through.
Sometimes you just need another go-around to see your relationship with your ex was really meant to be.
People get super harsh when I suggest this one, but there are actually times when it makes sense to give your relationship another go-around. I take the perspective that if after careful thought, you deeply feel like things must be repaired between the two of you, it’s an option worth exploring. If your ex seems open to it and you feel like you need to, you might want to consider reconciling.