This Is What It's Really Like To Be In An Almost Relationship

This Is What It’s Really Like To Be In An Almost Relationship

We all have that one person – our person. The one we can’t get off our mind. Our first thought in the morning, and our last before sleep. You know who I’m talking about. That one person you can’t forget no matter how hard you try. They’re the one you don’t want to fall for because it’s too complicated. But you can’t help it.

It’s cruel to be in an almost-relationship. A relationship that does exist, but that’s much more beautiful in your dreams. You sometimes wonder if it would have been easier if you didn’t know how much your heart was capable of loving another human, because it hurts so damn much to not be with them. They love you too, but not in that way.

So you try everything to fall out of love with them. You delete their number so you’re not tempted to text them, you delete their photos so you don’t admire them with a sad smile, and you block them to never see how happy they are without you. To drive it home, you remind yourself of all the ways in which they suck – how they’ve hurt you before. But that’s not enough. They’re your person. They can do no wrong, whatever they do. You still love them just as much. They’re stuck in your mind like a fly you can’t swat away.

They make you happy. They’ve turned dark, dark days into bright, cherished memories with just a kind smile. Their touch sends jolts right through you. And an intimate moment of eye contact, warms every part of you.

Yet you can’t be together. God, it’s hard to forget about someone who fills you with such contentment. Someone who consistently makes you feel things you’ve only ever felt in spurts before. Someone who was the architect of the happiest moments of your life. It is so fucking hard.

It may be little comfort right now, but we all fall hard at some point. Sometimes our hearts choose the wrong person. If that’s you, all is not lost. It’s okay. In a world of billions, there are many out there who can make you feel this way. Your person may seem like the only one, but you have more than one soulmate on this earth. There are people out there who feel the way you do about you, and maybe you’ve even met them already. Don’t be so busy swatting away that fly that you can’t even see them. Keep searching, and don’t ever lose hope.

Founder of The Autism Cafe, writer, photographer, mother, and author of the photographic memoir, All Across The Spectrum, and Be The One, a poetry collection.

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