27 Promises To My Best Friend

  1. You’re the best person I have ever met in my life and I am not me when you are not you.
  2. I will never, in a million years, let you date a Justin Bobby.
  3. I will never let you get an ugly haircut.
  4. I vow to always hold your dress up while you pee and hold your hair back while you puke.
  5. I’m sorry about that time I told you I hated your boyfriend but he was actually a dick.
  6. Thank you for sitting next to me while I had my first sip of beer.
  7. Thank you for taking care of me that time the second sip of beer got me drunk.
  8. Thank you for listening to me cry over that boy.
  9. And that boy.
  10. And that boy over there.
  11. Thank you for firmly saying “NO” when I tried to sit on a random man’s shoulders at that concert.
  12. Thank you for standing guard while I peed in the parking lot of that same concert.
  13. I’m glad we Googled “how to give blowjobs” together
  14. And if I’m going to be honest, I thought of you the entire time I gave my first blowjob. Not in a weird way or anything.
  15. I will probably never stop texting you my outfits to make sure they’re cute.
  16. Distance won’t make a difference. You’ll always be a sister to me.
  17. In fact, I like you more than my real sister most times.
  18. I’ll always be your 11th Instagram like.
  19. And I’ll always favorite your tweets even if they aren’t funny.
  20. I don’t regret a single boy that broke my heart because you were always there to help me after.
  21. I don’t regret a single girl that I learned to hate, because you helped me laugh at her.
  22. I am the greatest version of myself while laughing in the passenger seat of your car.
  23. You are my bridesmaid. I better be yours.
  24. I vow to always babysit your future children, no matter how sticky their hands are.
  25. I will always bail you out of jail
  26. I will always slap you after I bail you out of jail because, bitch, you got arrested without me.
  27. I will always be your best friend. You’re stuck with me. Suck it up. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Trying very hard not to be a cliche white girl. So far it isn’t working.

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