When you identify who you are by certain distinguishing characteristics, it is hard to see yourself in any other way. For me, I have always been the “perpetually single girl.” I have recently started dating someone and it’s a strange adjustment, shedding the skin of my former self.
It is from being single that I have experiences in which I find comedy. So this transition towards a relationship is an adjustment.
My M.O. has always been, as Groucho Marx perfectly quoted, “I don’t want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.” To that effect, I have been known to disregard and almost find disgust in those who made it known that they had a crush on me. The boys who would do anything for me, go above and beyond, they annoyed me. There is this innate resistance I have, and I wish I had a real understanding of why it is there. Anyone know a good therapist?
The boys I fell for were the ones who could never fully commit. I was crushing big time on a co-worker who one magical night, got me wasted and slept with me. In my mind, this was it. In his mind, he was figuring out how soon he could get me out of his apartment so that no one found out that he cheated on his girlfriend. The ones I’ve liked and chased, they were the ones that deep down I knew were never going to commit. And this worked for me, because I realize, I feared that very thing.
I have always known, and preached however, feeling the fear and doing it anyway. I have applied this to other aspects of my life; I moved from New York to Los Angeles, to pursue a risky and unstable career path. I bungee jumped off a bridge over a menacing looking river while traveling in New Zealand. I ate a grasshopper (it was gross).
There is also a comfort I have in being single. Dare I say it, I even like being single. There is an obvious stigma against it, as you get older. It’s hard for anyone to believe that this would be a choice one would make. Yet, being single has its benefits. There is a freedom you have that someone in a relationship does not. You can be selfish. You can take off and travel without feeling tied down. You can spend your money on only you. And, there is the comfort of having the ability to go home, binge watch Netflix and then get a full night’s sleep.
In the early stages of a relationship there is an expectation that you will spend a good amount of your time now with this new person. And while yes, if it is the right person, it too will be enjoyable, but it is outside the comfort zone. And, I hate shaving and waxing is expensive. Avoiding those two things is a luxury that only singles really have.
I have to remind myself though, that being single if you are dating can also be hellish. Having to carry on the same, generic conversation, over and over again, with often complete strangers (thank you online dating) is taxing.
Or, he is talking to your friend on the same app that you two just met on. So, the struggle is real.
I am practically conditioned to expect that my life to go back to the norm, which for me means being single, after a few months at the most. Yet, I have to resist the urge to fight change, when this time change could actually bring good to my life. I just feel bad if I do eventually claim someone as my “boyfriend,” that he will now become my new subject of comedic tales. With the right guy though, he may just not mind.