You can never change the horrible things that have happened to you, but you can change your mindset toward it. Your trauma is and will always be a part of your past, but you can never change it no matter how much you dwell on it. Choosing to focus on your trauma isn’t going to change the facts or bring back the person you were before your trauma occurred. The past will simply remain in the past, even if you spend every second feeling bad for yourself. Your trauma was never supposed to be the defining factor in your life, and focusing on that misery just gives it more power than it deserves. No matter how painful it was, it was never your identity, but it will be if you focus your mindset toward it.

Instead of having these self-sabotaging thoughts about your trauma, shifting your mindset lets you realize that your life has always been under your control all this time. You call all the shots in your life, and when you choose to feel bad for yourself constantly, the power goes to your thoughts. Your trauma may have affected the outcome of your life, but you can use that pain to empower yourself toward becoming the best version of yourself. You can’t change the past no matter what happens, but you have a say in what you do with the cards you’re dealt with. You can’t blame it on trauma and you can’t blame it on anyone but yourself. The most successful people out there haven’t led the best lives, but they managed to become successful, and this has everything to do with mindset.

You can’t choose your family background and the aspects of our lives we wish we had control over, but we have a say in so much more. Instead of constantly complaining about things, we have a say in what to do with our pain, grief, trauma, and abuse. These things may be full of darkness and hopelessness, but you aren’t a victim in your own story. Instead, you’re a survivor, and that says so much about your character and the very outcome of your own life. At the end of the day, your trauma doesn’t define you, but you define yourself.