The thing about being in an abusive relationship is that it doesn’t seem abusive, at least not at first. They seem like everything you could possibly want in a significant other. They seem like the one that would finally give you the love you deserve, or so you thought.
It doesn’t start as toxic. It actually starts like a romantic movie. It starts looking like everything is too good to be true — because it actually is.
And when they get you, when they actually have you, that’s when it all begins. They don’t intentionally manipulate you into giving what they want — it’s just in their nature. It’s not always usually just for sex, but they usually use this factor to their advantage. The moment you give them your body, the harder it is for you to leave them and just walk away. It’s all a matter of how much you invested, and they know that.
It doesn’t start toxic, and you never really see it coming. But once they have a hold on you, you’re stuck there for a certain period of time.
It’s the constant feeling that you’re the crazy wrong, that something’s wrong with you for not being okay with certain things.
It’s being terrified of their anger and their temper, rather than feeling safe around them.
It’s expecting the absolute worst and that they’ll attack you with their words in the most aggressive way possible.
It’s being them becoming the complete opposite of how they were when you first met them and making you feel worthless after they choose to walk away with some lame excuse of a breakup.
It’s having to apologize first before they do and realizing their faults — if you ever do come to that conclusion.
It’s always being the bad guy in the story; in their version of the story, you’re the crazy one.
It’s wanting to get out of this hell you call a relationship, but you can’t walk away and you can’t leave no matter how hard you try.
It’s the kind of hell that you can’t just escape. It’s the kind of abuse that stays with you forever if you’re not careful enough. It’s the kind of relationship that eats up your soul alive and has imprints on what was left in your heart.
I’m here to tell you that your toxic relationship is not your identity. Not everyone is out to get you the way they did. After this relationship, you’re going to meet good people out there, real ones, and you’re going to have to let them in.
Not everyone is going to manipulate you into getting what they want. Not everyone just wants to fuck you up and take advantage of your pure and innocent soul. Not everyone is going to play victim and make you feel crazy for feeling the way you did. Not everyone is going to make you know the distinctive difference between absolute terror and real love. There are going to be genuine souls out there who make you a priority, and that includes everything you may feel.
I’m here to tell you that you are not, and have never been, the crazy one in the relationship. Your feelings were always valid, and it was them that refused to accept that.
Lastly, I’m here to give you hope that you are going to heal from everything in that relationship. You just have to let go and give every piece of your shattered and destroyed heart to God, and He will heal you. God loves you so much that He would never want to see your heart breaking from someone that just took advantage of you in every way possible.
It’s going to be the hardest process in the world, to reinvent yourself and to go back to the version of yourself before he took that away from you. It’s going to consist of so much dedication, but it’s all going to be worth it.
It’s going to get better, I promise. You just have to get through the painful parts.