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Reminder: Texting Doesn’t Necessarily Mean Effort

Let me just lay it out here in the open: texting does not immediately equal effort.

Of course, it feels amazing to have someone text you to know how your day went or to let you know that you’re always on their mind. However, just because someone doesn’t constantly text you, it doesn’t mean they don’t care about you. It took me a long time to realize this but their interest in you doesn’t necessarily reflect on their capacity to text you. Text messages can be so vague.

In the first few months of dating, it’s normal for you to exchange texts frequently because this is the getting to know stage. You find out what their personality is and how their day goes on a daily basis and you want to be a part of that. But just because they failed to text you, it doesn’t mean that they don’t love you anymore. It doesn’t mean they’re cheating on you. We’re in our 20s and I know we all live in the digital world but texting can seem pathetic when you could just have an actual conversation with them in person, where you can actually experience real intimacy and not just a dry conversation exchange. Effort isn’t texting because that requires the least amount of effort. We all tend to get immediately mad at the other person for not replying to our texts when we fail to understand that they have their own lives as well. The minute you demand the other person to constantly reply to your texts is the minute a relationship turns toxic. Love is about appreciation and not about rules and demands. People deserve to be their own person outside of the relationship and I know you’re going to say that a few texts back and forth wouldn’t hurt to let them know you’re alive but you shouldn’t be mad at them if they weren’t the texting type.

At the end of the day, it all just comes down to familiarity. You may have been dating for a few months now, maybe even for a year. They’re familiar with you as familiar as they are with their own skin. They don’t feel the need to text you frequently anymore because they trust you wholeheartedly. They would just rather see you in person and be able to talk to you properly rather than forcing a conversation on the screen of your phone. The only text you’ll ever need is in the middle of the day to let you know you’re always, always on his mind even if he may not show it. Effort is found in picking you up after work just to see you rather than forcing himself to have a dry conversation with you. Please stop getting mad at your partners for when they don’t text you.

It just simply means we have to grow up and realize that relationships shouldn’t revolve around the texting game. If you want somebody, go and see them to have an actual date with them instead of waiting around on your phone all day. TC mark

Image Credit: Jesse Herzog

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