8 Things Guys Say Vs. What They Really Mean (Written By A Guy)

The lovely Sophie Martin recently published a piece called 8 Things Guys Say Vs. What They Really Mean. In the spirit of healthy debate, here is a remix of that article — this time written by a guy:
Girls HBO
Girls HBO

1. “I like a girl without makeup.”

Sophie didn’t seem to believe this could be true. Alas, it is. Obviously not every guy is gonna go for the all natural look, but there’s something about a girl who looks her best sitting at the kitchen table, eating breakfast in one of those oversized shirts. No makeup.

2. “It only matters to me that you get off.”

This actually means that we love you. Yes, this might be a boost to our ego — but if we say things like that it means that the sex is great for us, and we care about you enough to ensure that you have the same experience.

Unless this is a pre-manicured “line” (I think the concept of “lines” is a bit overrated, they work in theory but situations are too varied to actually say them), it means we’re really into you, and that you probably have the upper hand.

3. “I don’t even watch porn”

Says Sophie, “He either watches it but has a lot of really weird guilt about it, or he watches so little that he thinks, as a guy, that qualifies as “not watching it.” But either way, he definitely watches porn.”

The second part is definitely spot on. The guilt part exists (one guy in every group of friends), but denying to a partner that you watch porn is definitely a red flag. Porn has become this very weird thing that might affect relationships but is also just a completely different thing.

Very few guys are going to willingly bring up the subject of porn in front of girls they’re seeing, so no need to bring it up unless it’s becoming an actual issue.

4. “I don’t masturbate.”

Hah. No one has ever said that.

5. “You know I don’t care what we do.”

Texting has markedly improved the male’s ability to be passive-aggressive, but we definitely haven’t perfected it to female standards. There is rarely a hidden meaning here.

When a guy says that he doesn’t care what restaurant we end up choosing, it means that he knows his girlfriend is a lot more invested in the restaurant choice. What comes off as apathy is simply an emotional balance. When we feel strongly about something, we speak up.

6. “I don’t talk to her anymore!”

This one’s a toss up. But in post breakup realities, I’ve noticed there is a definite distinction between initiating conversation, and responding maturely to conversation initiated by that ex.

For instance, if an ex texts me, I will usually respond. But I’ll respond in a way that makes it clear the conversation is strictly friendly, a courtesy to the fact that we were once intimate but no longer are. I think it’s pretty easy to grasp the difference.

7. “Gay guys are always hitting on me.”

Ah. Haven’t really heard this one, but this guy sounds like a tool.

8. “I Like A Girl Who Knows How To Eat!”

There’s some sensitivity here, given that eating a lot generally contradicts the outrageous beauty standards perpetuated by men and the media at large. Collectively we’re all monsters, but individually, we may just wanna hang out and eat some dim sum. It’s a great night in. If we’re into you, we’re into you. TC mark

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