1. Look Past Their Past (For The Most Part)
Unless they’re a proud and proven murderer, it can be very counterproductive to judge someone based on minor past transgressions. A few months ago, a girlfriend of mine ended things with a dude she really liked because she found out that about four years ago, he hooked up with a girl she considers her “arch-nemesis.” We were out drinking last weekend and she went on and on about how dumb she was for ending things, and how that one thing was such an impossibly minor part of a much larger mosaic. I agreed, and told her I was going to write about it on the internet.
Life is long and people are bound to do dumb shit, or at the very least shit that you’d probably disapprove of. If those actions have nothing to do with your relationship, or occurred before you even knew the person, passing judgement can be very counter-intuitive.
2. Don’t Make Decisions Based On Sympathy
People will tend to stereotype these sympathies based on gender; that guys will continue seeing someone they don’t have an emotional connection with because they don’t want to be perceived as a guy who “hits it and quits it”, or that girls will feel obligated to hook with a guy based on various sympathy factors — i.e., that you’ve been on 2 dates, or that he went 40 minutes out of the way to drive you home.
Truth is, the longer you date the higher the likelihood you find yourself playing all the different roles; the completely smitten one, the semi-asshole, the rebound that unexpectedly turns into something greater. Digressing a little bit from the initial point, but if you’re making decisions based on sympathy, you’re setting the grounds for a relationship that you don’t even want in the first place. Dangerous waters.
3. If You’re Gonna Keep It Casual, You Don’t Need To Have A Conversation About It
An old trope goes “if you’re having a casual relationship, the very act of talking about keeping it casual means that you are no longer casual.” This is truth. Once you’re talking, you’re either dating or you’re done.
4. Get It In The App Game
By May, there will probably be at least 3 apps that will make a dent in the modern day dating game. Remember that Tinder, now #huge, didn’t even make a splash till pretty much this year. Hinge, which seems to be all the buzz right now, was barely on the dating radar until a few months ago. There will be more. Best to explore what they’re all about.
5. Don’t Talk About Them On Social Media
People have different boundaries when it comes to personal privacy, and this is a great way to completely lose someone’s trust in a matter of seconds. Back in October, there were rumors swirling that golfer Rory McIlroy dumped tennis star girlfriend Caroline Wozniacki over a tweeted photo of him sleeping. While they’re still together and it’d be pretty incredible if that was actually true, it shows how dicey stuff like that can be.
6. Early On, Don’t Obsess About What They Think Of You
Sounds dumb even typing that point, but hear me out — if you’re spending all your time caring about what they think, you’re too busy obsessing over that to show them what you’re really like. Remember that in the beginning, there aren’t really any stakes.
7. Discuss Texting Strategies In Real Life
We live in a world where 76% of courtship boils down to text analysis. Everyone has a different style, much of which is based on a number of variables that have little to do with the courtship process.
It’s inevitable that your texts are going to be overanalyzed, so be sure to address texting schemes and strata the first time you meet in person. It’ll allow you to explain where you’re coming from, while also creating this reflexive inside joke, which is now the basis for your future text conversations.
Basically, this is a great way to bridge any text miscommunication gap–something that nowadays, is pretty much inevitable.