1. Pitbull is Prominently Involved
Previous generation’s had the great Dick Clark. Unfortunately for this generation they’ve been given Pitbull. Somehow the good people at FOX decided to give Mr. Bull his very own New Year’s Eve show. The strange thing is that I don’t remember them offering me the job which is weird because you’d think they would’ve offered it to every human being alive before settling on Pitbull. Not sure what will be happening during the show, but the fact that Pitbull is hosting alone should have you in bed early. Maybe just go to sleep at noon to ensure that you don’t accidentally stumble upon it. The only possible upside is that after starting your year listening to Timber the rest of the year could only get better.
2. Be Up Early Being Productive in the New Year
The real way to start off a productive New Year isn’t to get so wasted that the first day of the year is spent vomiting and sleeping. The true sign of starting the year off right is getting up early and making some moves. Go to the gym before those damn gym bandwagoners take it over for the next two weeks. By the time you finish working out there will be so much of the day left for you to do whatever your heart desires. Maybe go sneak into that chick flick that you were afraid to be judged for seeing. You walk in there with your head held high because luckily everyone you know will be nowhere in sight.
3. No Pressure Trying to Find Someone to Kiss At Midnight
It’s 11:55 PM and the countdown has begun. You start to see your friends pairing off. Even your ugly buddy has found someone. She is only a 4, but a 4 is better than nothing at this point. You look at the clock and see it’s 11:58 now. Midnight is so close and to avoid the humiliation of not having anyone to kiss you have a slight moment where you wonder if kissing a guy just this once would make you gay. Then you start imagining being gay with Idris Elba. Life would be so simple and enjoyable. Loud noises snap you out of it and you realize midnight has come and gone. You now stand there humiliated because you didn’t find anyone to kiss and you’ll never meet Idris. That my friends is what they call a worse case scenario.
4. You Won’t Waste Time Watching a Ball Drop 1000 Miles Away From You
Watching the ball drop in Times Square on TV has to be the dumbest thing you can do. Scratch that, actually going to Times Square to watch it drop is the dumbest. Despite that what’s the point of sitting at your home in Who Cares, Nebraska waiting to watch some big ball drop in New York City. It’s even worse if you don’t live on the East Coast because you aren’t even experiencing the New Year at the same time as New York. If all that isn’t enough to discourage you then how about the fact that you’ll have to listen to people like Iggy Azalea ramble on about how awesome this year was for her and how much she’s looking forward to what’s to come in the New Year. Your dreams and/or nightmares have to be more enjoyable than that.
5. More Time to Come Up With a New Year’s Resolution
You could just not come up with a New Year’s Resolution since most likely 97% of people forget about their’s by February. In the case though that you do want to have one then not going out on New Year’s Eve gives you an edge over everyone else. Not only can you get an early start on the year as previously discussed, but you’ll also have extra time to decide what the best resolution will be for you. If you go out on New Year’s Eve then all of the small talk will include people demanding to know your resolution. So the pressure is on you to not only know what yours is, but for it to be somewhat appropriate to discuss. With that being the case doing less drugs probably would be an example of a bad resolution.
6. Guarantees You Won’t Start Off The Year Wrong
What’s the worse thing that could happen to you at home on New Year’s Eve? Maybe you have a little trouble sleeping or your homemade nachos aren’t cheesy enough. As painful as those would be they pail in comparison to the outcomes you could face out in the world on New Year’s Eve. Let’s put aside even the givens of a nasty hangover and how much of a fool you’ll make of yourself. You could easily end up in some serious trouble thanks to alcohol such as in jail or even worse, having slept with your buddy’s ex or a frat guy depending on your tastes.
New Year’s Eve is scary isn’t it? Let’s make it our resolution to avoid all of this and just get some quality zzz’s in. This will let us all be relaxed and ready for a real party night like Martin Luther King Day.