How To Dominate Your City In 10 Easy Steps

1. Make friends with at least one bartender at each of your top 3 favorite bars.

This will make you feel cooler. Feeling cooler helps you make friends. Enjoy the rush of being popular.

2. Have a contact at every nice restaurant within a 10 mile radius of your apartment/house.

This has two benefits: 1) Great Service. 2) If you need to get out of a bad date, you can signal your restaurant agent to come over and say “Excuse me. Ms./Mr. *BlahBlah*, your friend/aunt/cousin/uncle/grandma/sibling/emergencycontact/roommate has called the restaurant three times trying to get ahold of you because they knew you wouldn’t be paying attention to your phone on a date.” Duh. You are a crazy polite person. This allows you to leave for approximately 5 minutes and come back with “I am so sorry to do this, but I have to go.” Leave them money. It’s the nice thing to do.

3. Establish two weekday night occasions and maintain them.

Examples: Dollar Taco Night at the local Mexican joint that also serves $5 marg pitchers to make those dollar tacos taste awesome. (Pro tip: pay the extra $1 for the side of guacamole. It is necessary.) or “Insert trendy one word name of a hip restaurant that is probably abbreviated”’s crazy good happy hour from 7-9 on Thursdays. Keep two of these shenanigans going every week. People will look forward to these occasions to get them through the workweek and you become their hero for organizing.

4. Befriend multiple neighborhood pets.

If a person’s dog likes you, they will remember you. Not only do you get to hang out with man’s best friends, but you also start to have people look forward to seeing you on your biweekly runs around the neighborhood.

5. Do community service. It can be visiting a nursery home or helping out at a soup kitchen for one day a month.

It will make you feel like a worthwhile human being and it can mean the world to the people you meet.

6. Keep in touch with everyone you meet that you want to keep in touch with.

Don’t be lazy with communication. People will come to visit you more often and you can go visit them more often. This will ensure that you are always rolling deep into your fav bars and helping out your bff bartenders.

7. Become a tourist in your own city.

Visit monuments, museums, landmarks, etc. Do it. You’ll feel smarter and worldlier in minutes.

8. Take one weekend night once in a while to just drive around your city and think.

You can learn the roads, find new bars/clubs and hole-in-the-wall brunch places to try, and jam out to boss Pandora playlists like “Summer Hits of the 90’s.” Having time to just drive and think is one of the most important kinds of self-therapy. Breathe. Watch the road. Sing. Think.

9. Vote.

Do your research on the candidates for both local and big elections.  Read from multiple sources. Watch debates. Make pro/con lists. Whatever you need to stay knowledgeable about the people who will be making decisions that impact your daily life-do it. Get involved with campaigns if you are so inclined.

10. Get “people.”

Have a car person. Have a hair person. A farmer’s market person. A tech person. A person who gets you people. Listen to their life stories. Look at pictures of their families. It will serve you well.