It’s hard enough being a naturally awkward girl, but when you’re also a hopeless romantic, things get super complicated. All you want is a chance at love, but ugh- you are SO awkward when it comes to love. Don’t fret- you’re not alone, girl. There are plenty of awkward girls who suck at love out there. And we totally understand what you’re going through.
1. We read into things way too much.
We’re the kind of girls who totally freak out if a guy (or girl) looks at us. If they smile- it totally means they like us. And Oh. My. God. if they say “Hey” the entire freaking sky is falling and they are absolutely madly in lust with us. We get home and overanalyze every single conversation we had with them that day- or, ya know, throughout our entire lives. We overthink things to a fault trying to figure out if they do or don’t like us back. Chances are we’ll turn even the littlest compliment into something significant and we’re always searching for an excuse as to why our crush might actually like us back.
2. We’re really good stalkers… like scary good at stalking.
We can search out a Facebook page within 30 minutes, tops- based on the first name and college of any of our crushes. We’re also pretty good at finding them on every other social media site known to mankind. And we’ll shamelessly drift through every single one of their tweets, Instagram photos, and wall posts just to ensure we know 100% about them, their exes, and their personal lives. We know it’s creepy- but it’s so convenient. How can we not take advantage of all of this free information??
3. We think no one likes us.
We are absolutely persuaded that there is no one out there for us. We just don’t believe our soul mate exists. Or if they do, they’re probably in, like, Bangladesh or something. When our friends tell us that someone likes us, we roll our eyes and snort. Because seriously- who would like someone like us?
4. At the same time, we think everyone likes us.
But then again- everyone should like someone like us. I mean, our crush did text us for fifteen minutes straight last night. And we totally made eye contact for a good solid 3 seconds today. So that absolutely means they like us, right? Everyone likes us. For God’s sake if someone dare tell us we’re pretty- we’re 100% sure that they are madly in love with us. Because, going back to #1- we overanalyze things to the point of insanity.
5. But we’re totally not good at ‘making a move’ on someone.
If we do think someone likes us, we’re definitely, absolutely not going to make a move on them. That could ruin this entire ‘talking’ thing we have going on right now. And we wouldn’t dare want to make things weirdly uncomfortable by coming on too strong, too fast. So we never ‘come on’ at all. We just kind of sit there, waiting for the other person to scream that they like us before we do anything.
6. Flirting is our worst nightmare.
Ugh, and when someone flirts with us one of two awful circumstances can occur. The first being that we clam up and say absolutely nothing. We don’t respond. We either laugh profusely or walk away because we just can’t handle the stress. Or there’s the second situation; when we don’t shut up. We literally open our mouths and nonsensical jibberish spews out. We can’t stop talking and it’s a wreck of bad jokes, embarassing life stories, and political rants that we didn’t even know we were passionate about.
7. And we can’t take anyone’s advances seriously.
But, even if someone does happen to find our awkwardness charming- we can’t take them seriously when they say they like us. It’s all a big joke. Ha. Ha. Ha. We’re sorry- but no, you absolutely do not like us, so please quit telling us that. We’re going to be single forever, because we can’t accept the fact that anyone would actually want to date us.
8. First dates are literally our biggest fear .
What is this- the Hunger Games? We didn’t volunteer for this. We can’t handle being chosen to go out with someone. This is so much responsibility. We have to dress up, and hold decent conversations, and try to make someone like us. We’ve dreamed about this day- the day we finally get to go out on a date with our crush. But when that day comes, it’s a nightmare of anxiety over the fact that we are a ticking time bomb of romantic-disaster just waiting to go off.
9. First kisses are our second biggest fear.
Ahh, the glorious first kiss. So romantic, isn’t it? Not for us. Because, once again- we suck at everything in relationships. And when our lover is going in to lock their lips with ours, we’re worrying about our breath, where our hands go, and whether or not we’re any good at this whole kissing thing anyways. But, in all honesty, we’ve practiced making out with our hand so many times that we’re probably pretty good at kissing. Our practice-makes-perfect strategy goes out the window in the heat of the moment though, and we have to consciously remind ourselves of every kissing tip we’ve ever read online.
10. Sexy is not our middle name.
If our date is unlucky enough to get us into the bedroom, we can guarantee the awkwardness will continue. We’re pretty much not sexy… ever. Chances are we can’t undress ourselves without tripping over our own underwear. We definitely can’t undress you without struggling over some weird little zipper. And once we’re both undressed, we’re going to make a stupid joke that ruins the mood- because, hey, what’s sexier than making a Spongebob pun in the bedroom?
11. We scare away a lot of people.
No matter what we do, we can’t seem to do anything right. We come on too strong, or we don’t make any moves at all. We’re awkward and awful at flirting. We can’t get through a first date to save our life, and we definitely can’t make the best first impression in the bedroom. So needless to say, we’ve seen our fair share of heartbreak. Not a lot of people can handle this much awkwardness. But the neat thing is- with our awkwardness we weed out all of the stupid people anyways. If someone can’t handle us for all of the quirky, crazy, love-obsessed traits that make us who we are- they don’t deserve to be with us to begin with.
12. When we do get into a relationship, we don’t take it for granted .
And when we do find that special someone who adores every stupid little awkward quirk about us, we don’t take them for granted. We love every single one of their flaws too. We embrace the fact that we’re a little (okay maybe a lot) weird. But normal is boring, anyways. So screw all the people who want to date the ‘normal chick’. She’s not us. We’re better than her. We’re the awkward girls who suck at love. But that doesn’t mean we can’t find love. And when we do, it’s totally worth it. Because we’ve found someone, who even amidst our failure at romantic-endeavors, loved us anyways. They embraced every oddity that makes us perfect. And because of that, we get to be in the perfect awkward little love-filled romances that we deserve.