What Every Woman Learns From Every Man

Having been friends with an unending number and dated my fair share, I can safely say with much confidence: there’s much to learn from the male species. While books with planets in the title attempt to convince us of our incomparable differences, there’s an unending pool of knowledge women can find in their male counterparts. No, it’s not located in their penis.

Sorry fellas.

Peeing In the Shower Isn’t Gross. Not only does it help with athlete’s foot for you active females, it also saves on groceries. Instead of hovering over a, probably freezing cold, seat and wasting toilet paper you know you can’t afford, just pee while shampooing your lovely locks. Don’t worry, your Herbal Essences “Hydralicious” will drown out the smell.

Everyone Hurts. While certain gut-wrenching situations can seem gender specific, they aren’t always. Don’t assume our male brethren cannot comprehend the depths of our painful pasts or the ways in which they’ve changed us. Men are molested too. Men can be raped too. Instead of looking at reproductive fun-time parts and automatically assuming, look at the person. Their eyes will tell you, if nothing else.

Stop Pretending. There’s no need to throw on a smile and lie through crooked teeth to those you actually can’t stand. While toeing the line between a split personality disorder and simply punching an individual in the face is important, the back stabbing and vindictive double crossing isn’t necessary. Be honest. Be real. If they don’t like you, have no fear. I promise, they won’t be the only one.

Less Equals More. Men find you the most attractive when you are in your natural, albeit messy, state. Smeared mascara that turns pillow cases into Mac Sample Counters does not a beauty make. While they appreciate a little effort, they don’t want the morning after to become a twisted game of Chatroulette. Let them know what they’re getting: the real you.

Everyone Poops. No, really ladies. It’s ok.

No Need to Over-Think. Make no mistake, some men obsess over unanswered text messages and seemingly encrypted gestures just as much as some women do. However, their ability to hide this fact and/or obsess moderately is worth noting. You’re at your most adorable when you aren’t trying to be at all. When you’re bouncing around in your car or singing (horribly) in the shower or lazily sporting your sweats and reading glasses, the men around you are falling in love. Don’t plan or stress or attempt to make things perfect. The perfectly imperfect is what sticks.

Laundry is Optional. You don’t, necessarily, have to wash your clothes every single day. You can wear that coveted pair of pants two, three, hell even four times if necessary. Just take a whiff, spray some perfume on said article of clothing if it’s really necessary, and have at it! Think of the laundry detergent you’re saving.

There’s Strength in Crying. The toughest men I know can cry at the drop of the hat. Whether it’s when Nemo finds his dad or their family pet has passed away or someone has broken their heart, it takes courage to shed a tear. No need to save face. No use in pretending you’re devoid of human emotion. You can be a pillar of steadfast tenacity and still ask for a shoulder when needed.

Having a Penis is overrated. Yes, you get to pee standing up and, yes, no one seems to think that you’re incapable of making your own health decisions. But it’s always hanging and from time to time, rather painfully, gets caught. Or hit. Or squished. Or kicked. It will erect itself as soon as the sun comes up, regardless. And it’s judged rather harshly by, well, everyone.