All The Things I Wish I Could Tell You, Now That You’re Gone

Allef Vinicius
Allef Vinicius

It’ll be 11 months in two weeks since you left me.
Not a single day has passed where I haven’t thought about you.

I want you to know that there are people around me who believe that what we had wasn’t real. Because you were young, and are still young. Because they believe that since you never asked me to marry you, it wasn’t a genuine relationship.

I want you to know that for me it was real, every minute.

I hope you still remember me telling you that when I first met you, I knew that you would have the biggest impact on my life. Even though you aren’t my forever person, you were my person for those short, amazing eighteen months. And I love you for everything that you have taught me – self-worth, self-respect, and the capability to understand that I am worthy of love.

If we’re being honest, I’m still waiting for the day where I understand where it went all wrong. You told me, you aren’t ready for a relationship – “It isn’t your time,” but how was it so easy for you to walk away? To completely stop speaking to me? And to decide after eighteen months that a relationship isn’t what you want? You completely blindsided me and no matter how hard I try, I don’t think I can forgive you for that.

Regardless, I want you to know how sorry I am for all the times I tried to make you stay. I only now realize that you can never keep someone around who wants to be free.

I know that if I love you, I need to be selfless and allow you to grow, to become the best person I know you can be, even if it means that I will never get to share it with you. But, I’m angry at you for making me feel like the end of us was only temporary. I want you to know how much it crushed me to have to read, “You’re an amazing girl, and I’m sorry you thought the end was a for now thing, but it just isn’t my time and isn’t what I want,” over and over again.

I hope that sometimes you stop and think of me. I hope that even though our love story didn’t go as planned, you look back and you remember the way we once loved each other.

I can only wish that one day you will meet someone who will take the time to appreciate every single aspect of you because you are the most incredible human being.

I will always love you. It has been a privilege to love you. And even though every day is hard and painful without you. I am so unbelievably happy that you have walked into my life.

You are the light of my life. And if nothing else, I hope these words show you how much influence you have on people’s lives. Because you certainly did on mine. Thought Catalog Logo Mark


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