I once was the other woman. I can also say that I was cheated on. I was actually cheated on before I had been placed in the position of becoming the other woman, so I really do understand both sides of the spectrum. Why would I do such a horrible thing to another woman when I had been in her situation prior? Am I really that shallow and pathetic?

If you were never in the position of being “the other woman” in a relationship, kudos to you. Let me tell you that it’s not only horrible for the person who is being cheated on but it is devastating for “the other” in the relationship too. I’m not asking for pity or remorse when I say this, but it is actually reality. Yes, it’s terrible when you find out you’ve been cheated on. You really did put all your trust into that one person whom you loved with all your heart. You cared for them, you nurtured them, and you had high hopes for the future. But, who’s to say that the other person — the other woman, the other man — didn’t have those same aspirations and love for the person who you claimed to be yours?

I am telling you that they did. Have you ever thought that the other person — the seducer, the one that led your significant other astray — didn’t know that they actually were the other person until they learned enough about your significant other to fall for them for the same exact reasons than you did? I’m not saying that they could not take themselves out of the situation when they found out they were being used to cheat with, but I am saying it’s RIDICULOUSLY hard.

What most people don’t take into consideration is the fact that throughout the time that they are in this relationship, the other person is also developing so much false hope that they will always believe to be true. You will believe the person in the middle when they say, “I am leaving them.” You will believe them when they rattle off the million reasons why they loves you more than their girlfriend or boyfriend or husband or life. And you will want to wait until they’re ready to end things. Because you will convince yourself that waiting is a part of love.

When I was cheated on by my boyfriend of two years, I really was crushed. I never believed that I would find love again. Eventually, I met someone new, whom I learned to love all over again. He was nothing like my ex and after months of being with him, I found out that he was in a relationship. I tried to break contact, but he kept finding ways to reach me. Fake numbers, messaging me through accounts of his friends on FaceBook — it went on. So, I thought he cared so much about me if he was really reaching out to me. I waited for him to end things with his girlfriend, and through that time I began to love him more. It became so difficult to let go of things at that point until one day I learned that his excuses were lies. I put my foot down, and he finally learned to be mature and let me go.

I found myself feeling even worse than I once had when I was cheated on. I had to deal with the negativity of society and my own heartache. I made a mistake and I knew I had at that point, but everyone kept rubbing it in my face. I’ve been called a whore, a slut, and a disgusting pig. I can only say I’m sorry so many times. I truly am, especially to myself for stooping so low. But, for someone to tell me that I don’t deserve love for making a mistake? Now that is shallow.

I’m human. We do foolish things sometimes. We hurt. We are selfish. We are so broken that we just want to think of ourselves for a change rather than anyone else. I’m sorry I hurt her. I know I’m a terrible person as a cause of it. I’m sorry for loving so blindly, with no consideration for you. I’m sorry I was the other woman.

But I’ve learned. Neither side has it easier. Cheating is still cheating, and it’s not worth the pain.