I think I have struggled with love for pretty much majority of my life. Bad relationships, one-sided feelings, crushes that didn’t know I existed… I have been through it all. I had gotten myself into a relationship cycle — I wasn’t happy alone, so I needed to fill that void. Until last year, when the worst heartbreak hit me, I finally slammed on the breaks. I had enough. So, I took a break and focused my energy on myself.
I started 2019 with a fresh start: new environment and new friends. I chose to ignore the mistakes of my past and move forward. I gave my love life over to God — I decided I would get into a relationship when God thought I was ready. I admit that came a lot sooner than I thought it would, and from the day I met him, I haven’t been the same person.
I won’t go on about how my heart skipped a beat when I first saw him or how I knew I had met my person, but when he finally managed to wiggle his way into my heart, I fell hard. Here was this human being that understood my soul: I didn’t need to explain my insecurities to him or translate my thoughts, he just understood me. We were so similar that our friends kept commenting on how we were the male and female version of each other. He became my best friend and I loved him completely.
If you have had your fair share of toxic relationships, you’ll understand how overwhelmed I felt being with him. Not because he was some perfect entity, but because he treated me exactly how I deserved to be treated and I was not used to it. He was the perfect gentleman and he was committed to me. I always said that when I got into a relationship again, I didn’t want it to be recreational dating, I wanted it to have purpose.
Not after long, I had met his friends and he had met mine. We studied together and worked on our health together — I admit, he is probably one of the only reasons I got into working out in the first place. He supported all of my aspirations and would never let me give up. And when I was at my low points, he was right there with me, holding my hand and reminding me of what I was fighting for.
I had never had someone who saw me for who I really was. Someone I felt completely comfortable with, to the point that he knew every side and part of me. For the first time, I felt safe — his arms became my home and his laugh was my favorite sound. He was able to calm my anxiety just by smiling at me and make me happy just by being next to me. I wasn’t scared to be vulnerable with him because I completely trusted him.
Right before I got into a relationship with him, I told him that I didn’t want to be his girlfriend. I wanted to be his partner, I wanted to be his shoulder to cry on, his cheerleader, his confidant and his best friend. At the time, I didn’t fully realize that he would be the same for me. And the truth is that he isn’t simply my boyfriend: he’s my partner.
What’s the difference? This is for life. I honestly can see myself spending the rest of my life with him. Yeah, I’m young and that’s kind of intense, but I don’t care. It’s the truth, and when you think you’ve found the person you can see yourself spending your life with, own it. And don’t let them go.
I found the person that made me want to be the best version of myself, the person I want to share everything with and the person that I want to make the most out of every second with them. I found the person that I am willing to give my all, who I would travel the world with and, come rain or sunshine, be holding their hand.
I can’t say for certain that the two of us will stay together. Life is a pretty weird and wonderful thing. But I can say that I am dedicated to this partnership and that means everything. It’s a commitment, because some days we will want to kill each other and other days we will be inseparable. But I will appreciate every moment of being with him.
I never used to believe in that soulmate stuff, but he made me believe that maybe, just maybe, there really are certain people that are made for each other.