1. The passive aggressive post only meant for one person
“Ugh, really wish people would grow up!!”
When you mean ‘people’ you’re obviously talking about your boyfriend who failed to clean up his pile of socks next to bed. Next time bitch at him, not everyone on Facebook.
2. The daily sermon.
This is something usually older, devoutly religious people do. They start their day on Facebook by praising God or reciting a religious passage. I’m all for praising whatever Lord or God you believe in but for God’s sake, do it privately!!! You’re not going to get any karma points or added bonuses at the gates of Heaven for updating about God everyday. I’m pretty sure Jesus isn’t reading Facebook.
3. The blanket comment about a certain race, sex, or group of people.
“Why do women always do…” “Why do Muslims…”
Actually, don’t stop posting these updates. It only makes it easier for everyone else to know who to delete off their friend’s list.
4. The cringeworthy photo + quote that’s meant to be deep
lol just stop. You’re embarrassing yourself.
5. The” X years ago this happened and now life is life like this now and I’m so grateful…” update.
We get it. You used to be a different person. Now you’re…whoever you are now. Congrats. You don’t need to update the whole world on your transformation.
6. The update about being so in love with someone/how great someone is.
Let’s be real. You guys will probably be broken up within a year. Chill out.
7. The new profile photo of you looking away towards the ocean + inspirational quote to show just how #deep you are.
This is like number 4 except the difference is now we have a photo of you trying to be all pensive with some quote from Tumblr or your notebook of bad poetry. You’re not deep. You’re dumb.
8. The photo update of your baby doing something totally stupid and not photo worthy.
Why do moms of this generation feel the need to not only photograph every moment in their baby’s life but they also have to post it on their Facebook? I totally understand you’re a stay at home mom with nothing else to do but sit on your laptop while your baby’s asleep or crapping somewhere but your social media network doesn’t need 10 status updates every day where your baby does absolutely nothing remarkable.
9. The “I’m deleting my Facebook soon, here’s some deep thoughts about why I’m doing this” update.
Wow, cool. You’re taking a week or a month off of Facebook to focus on #real life shit? Congrats!! We don’t need some elongated post about it. Just do it, bro.
10. The “and now this is why I’m back on Facebook” update.
Oh, you couldn’t go a week without Facebook like you promised the whole world? No worries. We get it. It’s just the way our generation is now – addicted to social media. No one faults you but also, like, we don’t really need to hear about why you came back.
11. The check in.
Does your social network really need you went to go get your oil changed then stopped at Subway for a five dollar footlong? NO. Do us all a favor and stop checking in to places on Facebook. It only reiterates how boring and tedious your life is (just like everyone else’s).
12. The “I’m on a fad diet and here’s how my life is changed (a.k.a. I’m actually miserable) and now I’m going to tell you why everyone should be on said diet” update.
Literally no one cares about your diet. N o o n e.
13. The “ugh my life/this day/work/everything sucks” update.
Wow. Your status updates suck just as much as your life.
14. The political or religious rant.
You’re the uncle sitting at the table at the family get together everyone’s rolling their eyes over and patiently waiting until you stop talking. No one wants to hear what you say to say about Obama or about Isis.
15. The update asking something that could easily be found on Google.
You know you could have spent less time just researching on Google instead of waiting for 10 nobodies to share their opinion, right? Right.